Posted by SuperADDMom on May 24, 2010
All nighter drive in weekend.
Our local drive in is wonderful, I love it there…laid back, a fun park for the kids, and NEW released movies for a GREAT price. the second you drive in the gate you go back 20 years.
The playground it all the old wooden and metal slides, and teeter totters, and old swings. the kind you could get a splinter from, or a cut from the painted over rust on the sides of the slide.. it’s GREAT 
Survival of the fittest We survived…I’m not into raising wimps 
On the Victoria Day weekend they always have an all nighter, 4 movies back to back.
the boy being 5 still gets in for free, and the girl cub is $3….so it’s a good bang for our limited buck.
We don’t have a lot of funds for entertainment, in fact the internet is what we consider our entertainment fund, and we try to do a lot of stuff for as cheap as possible or free ( and a bit of gas money), but we always try to swing going to the all nighter.
We spent the last of our money this month ( save some gas for the kids swim glasses midweek) to go to the all nighter…Sadly… it almost didn’t happen because CFShubby (The mundane one) was in so much pain going, the idea of being cramped in a car for almost 12 hours between going and being there and getting home, we had a bit of a meltdown from frustration before we left. Living with CFS is not easy for anyone.He was too sore… I was frustrated at the idea of him not being able to go. I’m a problem solver, so I was trying to come up with ideas to make it better for him and didn’t want him to miss it & The kids would be dissapointed if we didn’t go. HE was crabby because my ideas were none that appealed to him ( thought he is a bit stubborn, and sometimes I think if he at least TRIED the idea, it might work. shhh)
He came with us….and made it through…but it is pretty bad when he can’t even do these things as well anymore. It’s a whole other blog post, but I’m so tired of my husband’s life being limited to coming to the living room to try and play some video games with the kids for a few hours before needing to crash again.
Anyway…for $23 ( and the gas there) we saw 4 new movies. Shrek 4, Iron Man 2, Clash of the titans, and She’s out of my league.
I tolerated but chuckled in a few places at Shrek 4.. it actually has a real good moral lesson to ADULTS who gripe to much about their lives( so basically all of Twitter)
Iron man 2 was good….I enjoyed it…except for the bathroom trips with each kid, and therefore missing some of the best action scenes. RDJ is hot as usual as Tony Stark…but I much preferred him in Sherlock Holmes. ( glad there is another one in the making )
Clash of the titans.. I didn’t watch, I mostly dozed through it…too much mumbly dialogue…thick accents for my CAPD and it was going on 3 am…. no ADHD meds left in me, and not entertaining enough for my attention span at that hour.
She’s out of my League.. was actually what I’d have to stick in the category of “good” and though I would not pay a full theatre price to see a basic, typical boy gets girl, boy loses girl” romantic comedy…if you do get the opportunity to see it for cheap, or rent when it comes on DVD, it is worth the watch just for the one HILARIOUS shaving scene…it by far tops the 40 year old virgin waxing scene
We got home as the sun was coming up, and I made breakfast for everyone, as I watched the birds and the chimpmunk living in our wood pile wake for the morning get breakfast too. I watched a Starling steal hay from our bales we put around the house in the winter, and take them up to a tree and add it to it’s nest.Then we all crashed in bed exhausted.
It’s going to be a short, kind of lazy day. It’s like Sunday to us today being the holiday weekend.
Posted by SuperADDMom on May 13, 2010
The Mundane One and I over Lunch.
me: you should have seen the boy on the balance beam this morning, he was really going..so fast, he was flying like a bat in the wind
hubby: bat in the wind?
( I always get those “old sayings”/metaphors/assimilies wrong since I grew up with a deaf father, who heard them wrong all his life and passed them onto me, so i knew I said it wrong by his question)
me: ya, you know. like really fast.. I guess that one is wrong too right?
hubby: uh YA.. you’ve been saying that for months now, and I keep trying to ask you what the hell…
me: ya. i dunno. i got that one from my dad I guess…. bat out of hell then right?
hubby: ya I guess that would work
me: whatever, he was going really jam fast!
hubby: jam? what is THAT?
me: giggle.. ya. I dunno, just came out, meant to say damn.. but…
hubby: jam tho?
me: YA… I’m trying to curse less for fuck’s sake ok? so, I said JAM instead of DAMN
hubby: (laughing) so.. ok.. how’s that working for ya so far?
me: really fuckin’ great!
hubby: ( shakes head and laughs at me in the knowing.. you’re hopeless, but I love ya anyway look)
Posted by SuperADDMom on May 12, 2010
I live on the outskirts of a small town. I used to live in the small town, and for the last 5 years attended mommy play groups with other parents. So, when I go to town, I see some people I “know” on a hello basis.
Tonight when taking the girl to her swim class in town at the rec centre, I knew I had to go and pick up milk at the store my kids call “Big Tig” ( the store has a huge tiger painted on the side)
A few weeks ago we ran into the coordinator of a mommy and me evening program called Busy feet, and we had not gone since we moved from town.
Since the programs on Wednesdays overlap by an hour, she invited us to bring the boy while the girl is at her class, and tonight he mentioned to me that he wanted to go to busy feet.
He mentioned this as we were getting back in the van from dropping off the girl, and I happily agreed that we’d stop by to see after I picked up some milk.
And the very second I agreed to go check it out, and see people we have not seen in a while, I got in the van and flipped down the sun visor and noticed something that made me want to get out of going anywhere in public.
big black chin hairs! OHHHHHH crap! As a 35 year old ADD woman, with changing hormones, I no longer worry about pimples, but I’ve started growing stray dark black chairs out of my chin….this would not be so bad, but I forget to do a good check and pluck them out, and then I notice them at really awkward times, like when I’m in town, without tweezers, and needing to go somewhere in public.
I frantically searched my backpack for a pair of tweezers. I own several pair.. and I had THOUGHT i left a pair in my back pack for just this kind of situation…but a 5 minute search resulted in nothing, and found me bargaining with my 5 year old to find a reason to NOT go to busy feet, where I’d have to talk to people, and be totally aware in my own head of the black chin hairs. I rationalized that I’m sure no one will notice, but that it didn’t matter. I’d notice, and that was enough to make me nervous and anxious. I have social anxiety enough as it is with my communication issues due to hearing processing, and also reading people’s body language, so I didn’t need this kind of extra anxiety.
So, I drove to run an errand for The Mundane One, and got stuck in traffic, then went to big tig for milk, and decided to see if they had some cheap tweezers.
Cleaning the car last week while waiting for a dr appointment I’d found a $1 coin ( called a looney in Canada) and thought perhaps it wold save me.
IT DID. they had a pair of tweezers for a dollar!!!! so I bought them, and plucked them suckers out of my chin in the parking lot, and then went off to the play group with my boy for the last 40 minutes of it. And in all of that, I almost forgot to buy the milk!
(me in total “no makeup, hair in ponytail, not brushed today, stained sweater going to town mode”)
Being a sexy SuperADDmom is no simple task!
And I’m gonna yell at the Mundane One for letting me out the door like that!
I’m keeping the tweezers I bought today in the van from now on, for just this kind of situation!
Posted by SuperADDMom on April 17, 2010
So those of you who follow both my husband and I on twitter will likely recall a recent back-and-forth from some issues going on right now, that all relate to my “neurodiversities” and my being upset with his sharing there some pretty deep issues that are affecting our marriage. Not “call the lawyer for divorce papers” issues, because I am not about to run away from this, but serious enough that it leads to extra stress and chaos in our day to day living.
So….ya.. here’s the deal. I’ve sort of covered the topic lightly before WAY back here in a blog post. But I’ve only ever glossed over it and not took the idea seriously at all when doing the whole ” name it to claim it, claim it to change it” deal.
Now it is clear that the struggles we are having are because I am Autistic. High functioning, verbal, able to be independent in adulthood, above average intelligence autistic.
The above average intelligence is apparently a given because without it I’d be less functional in society if I didn’t have that going for me to have been able to learn and adjust on how to cope in life, and appear relatively “normal” from a glance, with all the things I have going against me, but from what my dr and husband tell me I’m somewhere between on or around “superior to high average” intelligence.
But, I don’t test well due to dyslexia, and verbal auditory issues and such, so my IQ level has never been measured properly, and noone has seen a need to really find out.
So, if you looked Autism in the face ….would you recognize it? well, you do now.
We’ve just made the connections. My Dr has alluded to “traits” in the last 4 years I’ve been seeing her, but she is more of a “let them figure it out for themselves” kind of Dr. who makes suggestions, but doesn’t push.
So ya….a “label” doesn’t change who I am, or make me different from yesterday when we didn’t have a label, but currently I feel worthless knowing. I’ve known all along you can’t change brain wiring, but until now, I’ve been thinking I could sorta train the ADHD to stay in a small part of ym brain where it wouldbe more good than disruptive.
But now the struggles I have, over and over, all my life are clearer and easier to understand.
I basically have felt worthless all my life, and my existence has been trying to prove my worthiness. I feel like a fraud to my husband, and think if he had known when he got involved with me, he would have run away as fast as he could, and now 11 years and two kids and a physical disability later, he’s essentially trapped with a relatively functional retard.*
I feel like a failure at life due to the deep anxiety that is a constant in my life making basic day to day functioning very very difficult. I have panic attacks, can’t think, and then come here to the computer to calm down.
I feel mad because I’m only finding out all the issues i have NOW in my 30’s, and dealing with a lot of deep emotional crap from my life for EVERY event that probably occurred due to my brain wiring, and it being blamed on me for being stupid, but smart enough to know better,and therefore feeling bad, and guilty for doing stuff I had no explanation for.
They literally are replaying in my mind and the connection of shit that happened to me and being autistic without knowing it is being made. and I feel every emotion going….mad, sad, relief, confusion, etc.
I debated about sharing here…but I’m not gonna “hide it” I’ve always said I’m open and honest… I was told all my life “not rock the boat”, to “smile and forget about it”. I was always made to shut up and not share any negative emotions, and I just cannot be that way. I refuse to hide, or be shut up in my life. And so even if I am embarassed, or sad, or hurt or whatever, I need to remain true. If that gathers me critics, or loss of people I know/enjoy in my life then I’ll just have to deal with it.
I’ve always talked about my ADHD, my dyslexia, my learning disabilities… all this shit was stuff I never knew about me as a child. I grew up in an family of self medicating drinkers. I admit I have a hard time dealing with people in my life who medicate their lives heavily with alcohol. It is basically burying your head in the sand to avoid shit, and I refuse to avoid shit. It would be SOO much easier to just drink or be high all the time, but I don’t…because of basically paralysing fear of becoming a dysfunctional alcoholic, and causing my kids an adult life of grief trying to figure out their shit because I changed them with drinking.
I’ve done a LOT of healing and growing from my childhood, and the constant bullying I endured in school, being suicidal at 15 and making a lie up to not admit I’m suicidal, but to get me to a therapist anyway.
So, what I struggle with a lot now is brain wiring and natural chemistry makeup and trying to change the ingrained taught behaviours I was provided to “cope” and “appear normal” to society. I also am having to learn how to cope with over exposure to sensory things that bother me, and not take it out on others. I never made the connections before, I was just bitchy…but not realizing it was due to too much noise, or people being clingy around me, or too much light.
Some days sound is so painful to my ears I need everyone to shut up, or I desire being alone, and therefore become VERY agitated. I don’t know how to show emotions properly in person, so though people get to know the real me on the internet, when they meet me in person, I appear odd, or aloof, and stand offish. This is because of the level of anxiety I have trying to hear conversations due to my CAPD , and understand people’s facial expressions etc, and then they think I am a fraud because I’m nothing like I am on the internet. I don’t understand non verbal communication and misread people all the time, and it drives me crazy. it’s taken me a long time to admit and realize at the same time that these are issues for me. Because of spending 35 years trying to prove I’m “normal”
Like most adults who discover such debilitating neurodiversities at this point in their lives. It has come to the front and has been recognized because I could cope better when I was single, or just a couple with no kids… or even when I was a couple with one child under 2…but now with two children with very similar neurodiversities, a husband who’s physical abilities are diminished, and worsening brain chemistry because I’m peri-menopausal, I’m basically a bumbling idiot, and a lot of day I can hardly pull off the things that everyone does in their normal day to day and do on autopilot.
Last night I took three hours to make a pizza, which I then promptly left in the oven ( had the sense to turn off the oven when the timer went) because I got pulled away trying to figure out the downed internet issue calling the ISP…. but let it get brown in the oven’s residual heat to make it like cardboard.
This seems “minor” but when you make these kinds of mistakes EVERY DAY….multiple times a day…leaving people hungry, waiting for you to fix your mistakes, living your life as a failure makes one feel pretty fucked up, useless, unwanted, and like I should just go away, because I can’t make it any better, so being gone could not make it any worse.
If there is a Hell it is being smart enough to know you’re retarded, so you cannot live simply and unaware of your shit, and be the “cute little retarded girl” with no anxiety or awareness that what you do/cannot do is outside the “norm”.
sorry if this is incoherent.. this took me 2 hours to write, through tears, yelling at a 5 year old spinning in the living room playing Luke Skywalker with a drumstick, and dealing with a 9 year old who STILL cannot change gears and is melting on the floor.
*Don’t get on my ass about calling myself a retard… retarded means.. slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress.. look it up…literally I’m retarded. It takes me longer to “get it”. So, get over yourself if that offended you… and no, I’m not THAT “retarded” to not know that YOU think *I* should be offended by the word retarded, and that THAT really means you’re anal retentive. NOT MY PROBLEM
Posted by SuperADDMom on August 25, 2009
It is amazing what 11 years will do for a point of view.
Not being full of myself in anyway, I’m sharing from my heart, because I see a lot of people hurting seemingly searching for “the right one”, or for “more” or are sad about where they are in their life right now.
Love is difficult. but when you bring baggage and neurodiversities to the table..it makes it even harder.
I don’t wanna be that ” look at her all up in her perfect life telling ME how to be happy” because my life is far from perfect. I just chose not to look at it that way. I wanted to share what 11 years has taught me…If you care to know…read on.
If you are reading books on the meaning of life, how to be happy, how to find the person of your dreams and other books promising you the answer, but still can’t seem to find real love no matter how many people you date. Or, you think the relationship you are in sucks because it is too boring, you fight too much, neither of you look as good as you once did and have grown too far apart emotionally, or the kids are too much work, and you sadly wonder if there is more to life than crunchy cheerios in the carpet, and paying the bills, there is a simple answer.
Change your mind. That’s it. Just change how you look at it.
As a kid growing up with ADHD and other neurodiversities, I had a rough time. I wasn’t the pretty girl, or popular, i fact I was considered to be “non datable” and was the fat girl in school. Graduation could not come soon enough. I HATED SCHOOL. I moved away from home at 18 as soon as I graduated from high school hoping to find happiness and maybe find my Wesley to save me, since he wasn’t coming to get me.
I ended up married to a man 13 years older then me. Fast forward a few years and I was 23 & newly divorced from a guy I married for financial security and the wedding party. Yes I readily admit I married to have the party, the gown, the reception, the gifts…I was 20,it’s what all little girls want. I fooled myself and settled early cause I didn’t figure anyone would want ME.
Evidently, we could not have children together, and that was all I really wanted anyway…because babies would love me unconditionally, and I grieved the loss of three pregnancies in those years.
Coming out of that marriage, I was broken, and hurt, and reading those dating books and magazine articles, thinking no one would EVER REALLY love me. So, I decided to stop looking, and work on me.
I’m not sure why it happened the way did for me, because I had a LOT of work on me to do, but when I simply decided to stop looking for validation from someone else for my worth,my soul mate came into my life instantly. It turns out I needed him in my life to do that growing, which I’m still doing today!
So, read the following and decide right now to STOP LOOKING, and love yourself. Because everything else after that, is a bonus.
1)Be yourself. if you don’t like who you are, make the changes needed to love who you are and make no apologies for who you are to anyone. Love yourself enough to be true to yourself and hold out for the right one who will love you for who you are. Not love you for the “dating made up you” you stop being after the wedding, I mean the REAL “this is how I look with the flu” you. Don’t settle…no matter what. Make damn sure you love HIM/HER for real too. Stop searching so hard, and just let it happen, you never know when “the one” is going to show up, and where that might be. When you listen to true love stories of long time married couples, the “how we met” stories vary greatly. You’ll know if he/she is the one…even if everyone around you is telling you otherwise.
2)Realize how wonderful a person he/she really is for loving YOU, and DON’T RUN AWAY IN FEAR. If you do, be brave enough to ask to come back, if it is real love, you’ll get it back.
3)Hang onto him/her forever NO MATTER WHAT, but don’t marry him/her unless you REALLY believe in for better or worse, sickness & health, and REALLY REALLY know what that means.
4)Be comfortable in your own skin, THAT is what makes you sexy, no matter what you wear, or weight
5)Love him completely everyday & he’ll love you back. Even when you are mad, think of a reason you love him.
6)Never go to bed angry, even if it means staying up till dawn working it out. really and truly, this is very important. It doesn’t mater how tired you are the next day.
7)While you are looking for him/her… Don’t care if EVERY MAN/WOMAN falls in love with you. Just care that the RIGHT man/woman stays in love with you when you find them. If you follow these tips, you’ll soon know the difference.
8)If other’s envy you for finding your true love and being happy in ANY circumstance that came your way…be compassionate and tell them how they can have it too. If they can’t hear it right now, it’s just not the right time for them to hear it.
9)Realize real love is not like it is in the movies, so don’t base it on the romantic movies you watch and wish for fairy tales.
10) Like the rest of life, love it is real, and funny and happy and sad, and can hurt, and can make you soar like your flying high. It can hurt like you are being burned by the sun.
Real love endures EVERY moment in life, no matter what that moment brings you. It doesn’t run away when it gets tough. Sometimes it might start to run away, but then it comes back.
Even when you think that you are so close to letting it slip away, or giving up out of fear, anger, frustration, hurt, real love will be there, enduring every moment with you.
If you are in a moment in your life that is hurting deeply right now and this seems impossible to you. Save it anyway, and come back to it now and then. One day you’ll be saying it too.
Real love takes WORK, it is not something that just IS. It might be work, but it is SOOOO worth it… every single moment of it. Yes even the bad moments, because they help define the good and the great moments.
If you asked me how I know, I’ll tell you….11 years ago tonight I found real love, and we’ve been through all those things, and will be again and again, and the one thing I DO know is that when we go to sleep at night ( or at 6 am because we had things to hash out) we go to bed loving each other, and when we wake up in the morning, we greet another day knowing we have each others back, while holding each others hand facing the world together.
If you have don’t have that, you can. It’s not a fairy tale. Like making it to the Olympics. it takes work, and practice. Or, perhaps you already do have that and because it is not packaged up nice like a romantic movie, you don’t recognize it, or you simply forgot in the hecticness of day to day living.
There have been a lot of real moments in the last 11 years…and everyone is important, but the top moments for me have been when he first kissed me, touching his hand to my face like I was the most beautiful woman in the world, when he caught our daughter at her birth, when he caught our son when he was born, and every moment in between when he caught me because I stumbled or fell.
That my friends, is what can’t really be put in a book about “Mars and Venus”, and sell as “how to find the perfect mate” because it is not gimmicky and won’t make the top bestsellers list or Oprah’s book club choice of the month about how to tell if a guy is “not that into you”
Love YOURSELF, and you will be loved back.
Posted by SuperADDMom on July 1, 2009
sigh…..where do I even begin with THIS one… ugggg… my poor husband….he is such an amazing man to put up with everything that ADD has a part in for the chaos that is often our life caused by me.
IT’s been a rather interesting week or so, you see…I’m hitting menopause…yes, at 34 years old. I’m on the way out of the childbearing years. I knew it was likely to come earlier then typical for most, because all the women in my family have started their journey to “mature womanhood” around this age.
As such I’ve been having a lot of issues related to hormones…typical ones like heavier periods, longer ones, then shorter ones, hormones and mood fluctuations. Not to mention hitting a sexual peak for being REALLY interested and easily aroused, and being REALLY REALLY scatterbrained!
So today the BIG ADD moment and screw up was I drove to the city for about 20 KLM with the parking brake on.. yes folks… totally in a daze… mostly a sexual one, being all hot and bothered for my hubby sitting beside me smelling so damn hot, while we flirted obscurely without the kids aware of what we were saying from the back seat. I drove with the parking brake on. You see I have a check list I do for a lot of stuff I do, to make sure I do them…habits that I’ve come to incorporating to make sure I don;t make scatterbrained mistakes. IF I get side tracked from them,,, my world starts to unravel and I make a LOT of mistakes. So I forgot to do my checklist hen I got in the car before I put the car in drive.
It was NOT a nice moment when hubby realized it… I had to pull over the van and he got out and walked off the steam coming from his head from the anger at THAT one… the brakes are not good at best right now, and then I go an do that 
THAT was a crappy moment
We managed to make it through the rest of our trip relatively unscathed from my lack of ability to concentrate well, and are home now.. kids are fed and in bed. and I’m heading there now too. To take advantage of this new shift in sexual interest I have to THOROUGHLY make it up to hubby for the day we had !
Posted by SuperADDMom on February 13, 2005
I’m sharing this here because I want the world to know how much I love my husband.
Honey,
I have wanted to tell you just how much I love you so many times in the past week, since our son’s birth, but it seems I can never find the right words, or just when I think I have built up the courage to tell you, I lose it again. Or I can’t find a way to put it in words, or without bawling my eyes out.
I know I should not need courage to tell you how much I love you, but I do, one of my silly little things from my childhood that holds me back I guess.
I love that you were so strong for me during the baby’s birth and that I could count on you when I needed you the most. All the other stuff doesn’t matter, ’cause the only one I paid attention to and who mattered to me was you.
I’m so sorry that your in so much pain now from his birth, due to your illness. I know your in a lot of pain and tired a lot, an I understand why that would make you crabby. I’m sorry I get snappy or crabby and bitchy with you, but please, please, please know that I am here because I love you and I need you in my life too. I guess I get that bitchy because I feel safe with you. I have never felt safe before in my life, and that scares the crap out of me, because every minute of the day I expect something bad to happen to take that away from me. Even with all the thinsg in our life we deal with that are less than perfect, I LOVE our family and our life and I am so scared that I could ever lose that.
I love you more than I am ever capable of showing you, and I’m sorry that it seems that I can’t but I am trying.
Thank you for our son, he is the most beautiful little boy in the world and I hope he grows up to have your morals and family values and strength of character. I LOVE that he has your brow – in case that was missed in my ribbing.
Thank you for loving me even when it is hard or impossible to do so. You’re the only person in my life who has never given up on me, and we both know there are times when you should have.
I love you eternally & forever.
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