Posted by SuperADDMom on July 5, 2010
So planning things is helping me not have so much anxiety.
becoming more aware of my high anxiety times is helping me avoid total add/aspie meltdowns.
all my life I’ve been a sort of “fly by the seat of my pants and see where I land and deal” kind of person.I think one of the reasons I avoided it like the plague is because I fear needing to be very rigid and have strict planning to function. it’s almost like dealing with the chaos feeds my ADHD need for stimulation, and my aspie side of me is cringing, and having anxiety the whole time.
So planning things, and using a day planner/to do list has not been natural to me, nor has it it been easy to start as a habit.
I’ve finally come to some habits that are making things easier for me, though if I get interrupted/sidetracked in my routines, I forget things lose things etc.
Slowly I’m trying to fix the mess I’ve made of this place since our move and my mental burnout. Your looking at someone who has taken 11 years to remember hubby needs his bread toasted to be able to eat it ( oral sensory issues)
So, I have a day planner I write a week out in, in an overall plan, and then each day of the week after the general plan I write out info that is important as those days come, like who I called, recipes, my master to do list for the week, and next steps in those projects .. really it’s just a composition book, with blank pages, so I have no worries of needing to remain neat, or confined to a certain amount of space. it IS my brain it holds everything.
and I have a calendar I write out meals on for a week or more to have a plan.
On Sundays I plan the weeks meals ( generally, sometimes they change)
This week, my menu plans are
Chicken taco crockpot w/home made Naan bread
Salmon Croquettes w/dill sauce
beef crock pot & gravy w/mashed potato
Veggie Lasagna
Pizza
Crock Pot Pork with orange and Videlia onions & rosemary rice.
Posted by SuperADDMom on June 5, 2010
the house we bought has a l shaped garden, long and thin, and a back area to garden in. I didn’t get to it last year, things got away from me, and it became too late. The Mundane one was very disappointed about it, as he love the garden, even thought he cannot do as much as he used to be able to do before he got sick.
So when I went to tackle the back garden area there was 3 foot high grass and old dead brush to clear first.
So I raked the dead brush and burned it, and then started with getting the grass cut down.
then I cut the grass…i tried digging with the shovel to trn the roots, but it killed my back, after sweating my butt off, i grabbed the lawn mover and mowed the tall grass with the lawn mower tilted up, to keep it from stalling out…like in a chomping motion. finally got it all chopped down, and then had to rake it all out to be able to start tilling.
then I tilled it over a few days, in between fixing the tiller 3 or 4 times. ( hubby did most of the tiller fixin’ work.)
This evening I took it back to the guy I bought it from and he’s gonna tinker with it. He plays with them and fixes up old stuff. If he’s not ADHD at 81, i’ll eat my shirt. He’s got unfinished projects everywhere, and a barn that screams ADHD organization. Every flat surface is covered, and there are piles everywhere. but he’s happy and it’s his space, and it’s been that way all his life, and he knows where EVERYTHING is. He stood around talking to me for a good 20 minutes, which *I* personally find funny, cause I can shoot the shit with just about anyone, but *I’m* usually not the one trying to get a word in edgewise and making motions towards needing to leave without being rude while the ADDer rambles on about 20 different topics that go from one to the other “stream of consciousness” topic changes. It, didn’t bother me a bit but it was a neat thing to witness and realize as I’m standing there.
I think I could sit and talk to him and his wife for hours. She is a Mini Pearl impersonator, and she is GREAT!
The sweetest, funniest thing I think I have ever seen, is that in red nail polish she has written on his barn door “We eat at 12 noon and 5 pm SHARP, for an HOUR! Thanks Hilda” he chuckled and said she did it cause people come by and he just can’t be rude and not chat or see them. So, now people just know NOT to come by then. 
with most of th4e tilling done we strung string across the garden to mark north and south so we can lay the 4 by 4 foot squares facing south for optimal sun.
Hubby was there with a compass and getting down to fine points on the north and south, I told him “it’s a garden, not rocket science dear!” he rolled his eyes in that “you and your ADD” to me, while I rolled my eyes at him in that “you and your OCD” this is why we’ve managed to make it 11 years…we keep it interesting butting heads constantly 
then we strung thre areas for the 4 by 4 foot squares. We will have 13 in total. I wanted to start slow, and go with 4 or 6 this year and then add them as we go, but Mr perfection that he is made a plan and even hauled out the graph paper, named the squares and areas of the garden, and planned EVERY single plant in the 13 squares. i mock in a kidding tone, because this will help us save money, but currently I’m in massive pain, frustrated as hell that it is taking so long, and feeling a bit overwhelemd at the idea of getting in & caring for 13 squares! Gardening and ADHD don’t go well together. I’m anxious at the thought of the arguments of having let lettuce go to seed accidently, or killing plants be forgetting to water them. I’m going to have to make gardening a morning daily chore. once I get into doing it, I don’t mind, I find it meditative, but I have SOOO many things to do already.
so, this picture was taken this afternoon, just before I took a break to eat something, and then take the tiller to the old guy to have a look at it. 5 squares edged. the 6th being measured out to I can dig, and the white sheet of plywood marking where the 7th will go. after that I still have 5 more to till again, rake, de-root, mark out, and edge before we can start planting.
Back at it again tomorrow. I hope it doesn’t rain! I’ll be out in it anyway.
Posted by SuperADDMom on May 18, 2010
- 4 yo me saw my third term of SK marked as “behind her peers” and would be held back in SK if I didn’t show significant improvement
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4 year old me did not get along well with the other girls, i didn’t understand “playground soial rules” and the teacher was concerned for me
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4 year old me, was clumsy, and accident prone, and was no longer allowed un covered cups at snacktime…i remember the yelling
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4 yo me, had hearing tests because I appeared to have a hearing deficit, but my physical hearing tests came back fine
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4 yo me had to take speech therapy bcause I could not talk well…speech therapy taught me how to read lips, little did they know..
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4 yo me could not count to 15, i would count, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,12, 11,13,14,15 EVERYTIME, and was scolded for it ( i remember well)
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4 yo old me, refused to play building blocks with a partner, and wanted to be alone and would have temper tantrums if forced to play blocks
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4 yo me, could not sit still for reading circle, interrupted with questions, being “picky” on the teacher paraphrasing the storys she knew..
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4 yo me…hated chalk and paint on my hands, refused to do those activities. liked to play house with dolls, in the dress up area alone..
so, ya.. looking at this report card.. the signs are SO CLEAR…but not in a public school classroom in 1978
Posted by SuperADDMom on May 12, 2010
I live on the outskirts of a small town. I used to live in the small town, and for the last 5 years attended mommy play groups with other parents. So, when I go to town, I see some people I “know” on a hello basis.
Tonight when taking the girl to her swim class in town at the rec centre, I knew I had to go and pick up milk at the store my kids call “Big Tig” ( the store has a huge tiger painted on the side)
A few weeks ago we ran into the coordinator of a mommy and me evening program called Busy feet, and we had not gone since we moved from town.
Since the programs on Wednesdays overlap by an hour, she invited us to bring the boy while the girl is at her class, and tonight he mentioned to me that he wanted to go to busy feet.
He mentioned this as we were getting back in the van from dropping off the girl, and I happily agreed that we’d stop by to see after I picked up some milk.
And the very second I agreed to go check it out, and see people we have not seen in a while, I got in the van and flipped down the sun visor and noticed something that made me want to get out of going anywhere in public.
big black chin hairs! OHHHHHH crap! As a 35 year old ADD woman, with changing hormones, I no longer worry about pimples, but I’ve started growing stray dark black chairs out of my chin….this would not be so bad, but I forget to do a good check and pluck them out, and then I notice them at really awkward times, like when I’m in town, without tweezers, and needing to go somewhere in public.
I frantically searched my backpack for a pair of tweezers. I own several pair.. and I had THOUGHT i left a pair in my back pack for just this kind of situation…but a 5 minute search resulted in nothing, and found me bargaining with my 5 year old to find a reason to NOT go to busy feet, where I’d have to talk to people, and be totally aware in my own head of the black chin hairs. I rationalized that I’m sure no one will notice, but that it didn’t matter. I’d notice, and that was enough to make me nervous and anxious. I have social anxiety enough as it is with my communication issues due to hearing processing, and also reading people’s body language, so I didn’t need this kind of extra anxiety.
So, I drove to run an errand for The Mundane One, and got stuck in traffic, then went to big tig for milk, and decided to see if they had some cheap tweezers.
Cleaning the car last week while waiting for a dr appointment I’d found a $1 coin ( called a looney in Canada) and thought perhaps it wold save me.
IT DID. they had a pair of tweezers for a dollar!!!! so I bought them, and plucked them suckers out of my chin in the parking lot, and then went off to the play group with my boy for the last 40 minutes of it. And in all of that, I almost forgot to buy the milk!
(me in total “no makeup, hair in ponytail, not brushed today, stained sweater going to town mode”)
Being a sexy SuperADDmom is no simple task!
And I’m gonna yell at the Mundane One for letting me out the door like that!
I’m keeping the tweezers I bought today in the van from now on, for just this kind of situation!
Posted by SuperADDMom on April 29, 2010
ohhhh my… i just witnessed in myself a near meltdown from sensory overload.
This naming it to claim it stuff is draining.
Now that we’ve made the correlation of the Aspergers traits I have, I’ve been working on becoming more aware of when i’m having what I call “An Aspie Moment”
Sensory overload is a thing.. too much noise, to much light, to many colors. I am a very visual person, I see things very vivid and i notice EVERYTHING…unless I’m really hyper focused on something, I see and take in everything around me.
In the last few weeks, it has been interesting basically evaluating myself to see what is bothersome, when do things get too overwhelming, and how I deal with them, so I can deal with them better.
Being tired. Being in pain…they make it harder for me to filter, and process everything I take in. It then makes my ADHD traits worse, and I’m essentially a bumblling idiot who can’t remember what you call that thing you put things in to stay cold in the kitchen.
When I get that way, I get flustered, anxious. I have a hard time finding words to speak and I go inward. I get clumsy and trip over my own feet. I make mistakes, I get scatterbrained more. My depth perception is off, i break glasses, burn dinner, etc..the list goes on and on.
I recognize that in the past…I’ve dealt with these things, and have been avoiding actual panic attacks, or temper tantrums I guess by becoming actually moody, bitchy, cranky, sometimes even reach a boiling over point to near, if not total rage.
When I’m moody, bitchy, cranky, no one wants to be around me, and it was I guess a backward, sub conscious thing that allowed me some alone time. It gave me the time I needed to recuperate and stop the panic inside, calm down, and find a way to regroup and move on, and handle the sensory overload better.
So, with this awareness, i’ve been trying not to be cranky and be a bitch when I notice these overwhelming feelings coning on, and I’ve been trying to find a way to cope better that is healthier for the relationships with the other people in my life.
Diverting the kids to go somewhere else away from me, using my ear phones, but still being physically present etc.
But today was too much…..I’ve been this overloaded before…many times… but by now I’d always have been bitchy, cranky at people’s needs, yelled at the kids for the smallest things like how they are chewing their cookie near me ( the sound is SOOO ANNOYING and LOUD i can hardly stand it). I’d been cranky with hubby, and then this would cause strife for a while. There would be bad feelings between everyone, and then I’d need to recoup, AND get over the bad feelings, and apologize for my behaviour.
Today I fought the urge to be bitchy…It is very hard to fight the tendancy to revert to a coping stragedy I’ve used for 35 years. I managed to not flip out, but it was replaced by the urge to physically run away…I’ usually run away to the computer, and that in an of itself causes issues, because I retreat to the computer as a way to shut out the stuff that is overloading me, and then I get less done, and hubby gets mad at me for “being addicted” to the computer.
I’ve been trying not to run to the computer for a mental escape as much lately, and have been using a timer to force myself to do things that need to be done, for a certain period of time, before I go take a break.
So I didn’t run to the computer….but I got a feeling of being out of control and stuck in a situation I could not get out of, and I started to have a panic attack. Of course I put myself in the situation with my limits I’m trying to pose on myself in small ways.
But I could not run away from what I was doing to retreat to the computer, or even run away outside, because I was cooking food for people, baking cookies, and listening to hubby talk about stuff he wanted to tell me.
I had a loud self talk in my head saying. “pay attention, pay attention, listen….don’t panic, just finish the cookies and then you can leave. hang on ok!? Don’t get mad at everyone.”
At some point, I had three people trying to tell me something all at once over each other, and I could feel the need to get mad and yell “go away from me now, you’re driving me nuts!” I answered in a snappy tone and had to take a breathe and appologize right away to not let the responses to my snapping, roll over into the same old song and dance we always end up doing when I get to feeling this way.
I don’t know how I got through finishing the things I was doing in the kitchen, but the second I was done, I HAD to go away.
I had a tight chest, heavy breathing, and a headache behind my eyes coming on from the stress, because I wasn’t reverting to just coping by getting mad.
I’m upstairs now, in the office where I usually gazelle. it’s quiet, it’s good.I txt messaged hubby to tell him where i was and why.
I started writing this to try and get it out as it is pouring out of my brain, and I’m trying to relax.
I’m still buzzing in my brain and my body feels like how it feels when you drink too much caffine in a short amount of time…jittery and jumpy. But as that slowly starts to die off, and the adrenaline from my little Aspie moment is spent, I can feel how spent of energy I am…
My brain is fried right now, and I feel like I just need to sleep for a little while. I feel guilty about that, and I’m not sure anyone here would let me sleep for a little while to get some equilibrium back.
I hate this feeling.. these are the times, when I would get mad and bitchy at everyone and say “maybe I just need to live alone on a mountain in a yurt with no one around me, cause I can’t take this crap anymore”
sigh…..
A blog of a woman with aspergers has been really insightful in allowing me to go, hey…there’s a name for that!?
It’s a good thing to be making the connections… but also…. it processing, and dealing with stuff, and THAT is tiring to.
I never made the connections before but this is why I have what I call “recoup days” after we’ve had a day out shopping, or driving far to the city etc.
I’m discovering the reasons behind elements of who I am, I never really gave a second thought to.
if you’re interested in reading it…
http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/07/be-an-aspie/
thanks for letting me spill that
Posted by SuperADDMom on April 28, 2010
We live in a very rural area, and about 12 klm from town of about 5000. there they have a fitness and aqua center, and this week I got the kids signed up for programs there.
We have a great community, that helps low income families like ours pay for such programs so they can attend. Honestly the gas in and of itself twice a week makes the budget tight for the next 8 weeks, but the program is covered, and the kids benefit from it tremendously in many ways.
Socially, physically, and even mentally and therapeutically for their sensory integration issues.
So for their age groups I have them in a gym and swim program, the girl had an hour of swimming ( informal swimming and water games, and some guidance, not lessons, but coaching just the same) and then an hour in the gym for a rules/lead game and some tumble and roll, trampoline gymnastics stuff.
She will be going every Wednesday evening, and then the boy will be in a similar set up on Thursday mornings for the next 8 weeks, but I need to attend with him and coach him in the pool, formal level red cross swimming lesson, with one leader/coach guiding us teaching our kid.
Anyway. her first night was tonight, and got the low down on all the boys who cheated at the games they played in the gym…ever the rules police she is Aspie kids are stickler for rules, and don’t adjust well to change. She has the added issue of being ADHD as well, and gets easily side tracked, so because of these things, she was terribly worried about going, that no one would like her, that she can’t swim very good, and she sucks at sports like soccer.
When we got there we discovered that due to pool availability, the swim portion of the 2 hour program is first. Which I think is really rather shitty, cause she’ll have to shower off the pool chemicals from her body to go to gym, and do all that in a timely fashion, AND then she’ll sweat and stink in the gym, and come home and need to shower again!
With a child who has an issues with time management, getting side tracked, and anxiety about changing in front of other girls, this could really put a major crimp in her liking this program at all. She was VERY upset…it’s different from how the program ran last year, so she was all bent out of shape over that at first….and she NEVER showers for less than 15 minutes, and THEN takes 15 minutes to dry and change….so I can’t just drop her off for a 2 hour free time in town, and then pick her up… I need to be there in the middle of the 2 hours, for the switch over, to ensure she stays on track. It is a good lesson for her to work at, and would be helpful, but still, not what we understood, not what we planned, and i can’t just take 2 hours to do errands, or maybe even enjoy a break at the library, or whatever, without needing to be back there an hour into it, and then hang around for 45 minutes left of the program.
But even with that…she had a good first night, and she was happy to be the first person dressed and ready for gym.
I’m glad she enjoyed it and came home with a smile on her face, and excited about it.
I’m really pleased with her instructor/leader. She eased into it well, though she was terrified and almost in tears at the beginning.
I hope that he is a sign of changes happening with a new generation of community leaders/teachers/coaches etc we are about to see more in upcoming years as my children and children with special needs are being accepted.
He’s energetic and young ( about 18/19) and great with the kids, and was receptive to my suggestions to make my girls’s experience better, to help lower her anxiety in social situations, and how to give her warnings for changing events/transitions easier. He didn’t know much about it, but he generally understood Aspergers and ADHD and was positive about her maybe needing a little extra coaching to stay on track.
I watched him interact with the kids in the pool, and with the kids in the gym, and leading the games, and He’s a positive verbal encourager, but not unfairly, and he high fives all the kids and makes them feel positive about their contributions….you can tell he is fresh in the game and loves his job.
I want more of this in my children’s future. He was a pleasure to watch coach the kids.
Tomorrow at 9:45, I’ll be back there with a great female instructor we know from my sons program last year, and last year he was very shy due to his CAPD…but he ASKED to go back this year, and is very excited about tomorrow. She’s in her mid 20′s, and she is just as great.
I rant a lot sometimes, so it is nice when I have the opportunity to share nice things
Posted by SuperADDMom on
ohhh Give me a break !! I’m pissed!!
OK if I said to you …”I surveyed over 14,000 Ontarians and found that heartburn was most common in people who used tums and rolaids almost everyday (heavy users) and lowest in those who did not use tums/rolaids at all (abstainers).” would you then conclude that Chronic antacid use LEADS TO HEARTBURN!!!?
ORRRR. would you think the logical thing is that people who have chronic heartburn, use antacids on a regular basis.
Annd that it would stand to reason that people who don’t have issues with heartburn, would not find relief in antacids, and therefore not use them all the time.
Ya.. well apparently they’ll let anyone be a scientist, or publish any bullshit.
I am a traditional herbalist. I have studied herbs as medicine all my life, have taken distance education herbology, and practice herbal healing with friends and family and neighbors.
Let me be clear , that I am NOT a cannabis user…but I advocate it’s use in controlled, healthy, non addictive non smoking ways to help peoples health.
I educate. Sure I tried it when I was younger, but it was always something I could take or leave, because with ADHD, it doesn’t “make me high” it makes me “normal”. It lowers my anxiety, and helps me feel better, but I chose presciption drugs for my own health issues, because of the legality of it’s use, the ability to obtain it, and the fact that I am the primary driver in my home, and cannot use cannabis daily to help get relief from my scatterbrain issues, my social anxieties, and mood swings if I need to be sober to drive.
Cannabis has a lot of stigma to get past, and things like this study I’m going to copy below this rant really piss me off.
Fuck You and your twisted numbers in your anti drug campaign bullshit Joyce Cheung and colleagues. Your recent findings published in the American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse perpetuate lies and hold back progress in Cannabis being recognized as a natural,beneficial herbal medication for anxiety and mood disorders ( and much much more)
Did you ever think that people who HAVE MOOD DISORDERS and Anxiety issues, use Cannabis on a regular basis, because it helps alter their brain chemistry to a helpful level, that allows them to cope.
Get your heads out of your asses.
FFS.
SOURCE:http://www.newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/April2010/20/c3858.html
Study shows new link between cannabis use and mental health
TORONTO, April 20 /CNW/ – Research has shown possible links between cannabis use and the onset of Schizophrenia, but a new study from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) shows that people who use cannabis may also be at risk for developing anxiety and mood disorders.
The study, published by Joyce Cheung and colleagues in the American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, surveyed over 14,000 Ontarians and found that anxiety and mood disorders were most common in people who used cannabis almost everyday (heavy users) and lowest in those who did not use cannabis at all (abstainers).
Eighteen percent of heavy users reported the presence of anxiety and mood disorders, which is about double the Canadian average. Respondents who reported occasional use between once a month to up to a few times a week did not show elevated rates of mental health problems. But surprisingly, infrequent users, (those who used cannabis less than once a month), also reported elevated rates of anxiety and mood disorders – an increase of 43% compared to abstainers.
“This result was something we didn’t expect to see,” said Dr. Robert Mann, CAMH Senior Scientist and investigator on the study. “We thought that the data would likely show a positive correlation between use and psychiatric disorders – with rates of anxiety and mood disorder increasing with use – but these results show that the frequency of use is not necessarily the only factor affecting the rates of these disorders.”
The reason for this result may lie in a person’s genes. “We know that with a mental illness such as schizophrenia, there is no threshold for use. If a person is genetically predisposed to developing schizophrenia, any level of cannabis use can hasten the onset – this may be the same case here,” added, Dr. Mann.
Those who treat people seeking to stop or reduce their cannabis use should also be aware of the increased likelihood that their clients may be experiencing psychiatric disorders as well.
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) is Canada’s largest mental health and addiction teaching hospital, as well as one of the world’s leading research centres in the area of addiction and mental health. CAMH combines clinical care, research, education, policy development and health promotion to help transform the lives of people affected by mental health and addiction issues.
CAMH is fully affiliated with the University of Toronto, and is a Pan American Health Organization/World Health Organization Collaborating Centre.
Posted by SuperADDMom on June 19, 2009
I always said that when I was a mother I’d never lack the patience my mother had with me. But that was before I had children, before I was Dxed with ADD, and before I knew my kids would be so…diverse as well.
Now, as the mother of an ADHD child, I know what my mother must have endured with me, since she too, is the mother of an Add child now an ADDult And we are pretty sure she has it herself, along with LD’s like dyslexia etc. ( she once circled the island I live on twice trying to find our house and the next time I had to give very straight forward simple, step by step instructions that included visual point markers so she’s know they were on the right path.)
Anyway…The awareness on that level that my mother and I have of each other TODAY is uncanny, but as an ADDmother then ( her ) trying to parent an ADD child ( me) she didn’t have what I have…Knowing I have ADD while raising my ADD kids. We just didn’t understand the issues with inattentiveness and distractedness. It was a tough time. The older I got the harder it was to relate. The best years for me were before I was about 11 or 12.before it got too complicated.
I’m lucky that I know what ADD is, and that I’m medicating for it for myself ( cause otherwise I’d be a bumbling idiot, literally). It helps me have more patience then she did for mothering kids who both have pretty big adhd traits.
I also, as an ADDer, for some reason, have this very close link to childhood/teenhood…so I relate to kids very well. But I relate to ADD kids better it seems. I can be more sympathetic then their non ADD parents.
So I often probably tend to let the kids “get away” with more then The Mundane One does. I “understand” where they are coming from, and why they do some of the stuff they do. It’s a constant struggle. I go from being a “crabby mom” trying to give them more stability to see improvements in their behavior, and then waffle back to the more organic lifestyle that is simpler on the brain for me ( and them) My poor husband though, who once thrived on a “bit” of organization lives in our chaos now, since he is surrounded by it.
Between me, and the kids he hardly ever gets a word in edgewise. I can’t blame him for being upset, someone is always interrupting, but what do we do…this IS what it is.
It drives me nuts cause I have social anxiety all the time, worrying about what I said, how I said it, did I say to much. etc etc. and now living in a small hamlet… I think it is getting worse. And then I have anxiety cause I feel like I am always getting upset with the kids, and the neighbors must think that I’m a terrible mother. Or if I talk to them, I talk too much, and the kids yammer on, and I need to keep them ”
in check”
Sigh….this is just some of the thoughts going through my mind tonight. I don’t like being a crabby mommy…I need to let it go… butit is so hard.
