Posts Tagged by ADHD

ADD sucks

ADD fucking sucks

you can plan and plan and plan, and be a good girl, and do all the shit…ALL THE SHIT you are supposed to do, and feel proud as fucking hell that you actually accomplished shit, and you start thinking, hey…maybe if I am diligent enough, I can outsmart ADD with good planning and a hint of OCD like checklists……..

You wake up the next morning and see the clean kitchen, you fridge has been mold free for 2 weeks! TWO WEEKS…. and it brightens your mood, and you think,”It’s ok, I got this… I MOTHERFUCKNG GOT THIS. ”

Even if it takes MORE effort, and MORE time than anyone else to pull this mother and wife shit off…

THEN…..You make your tea….in the things you set out the night before, to make it not take much thought to do…..and you are chugging along, almost about to fucking HUM a cheery tune, even thought you are not a morning person, and you open the bread machine you set so diligently last night to make toast for people for breakfast, and that’s when ADD jumps out and smacks you right square in the middle of the fucking forehead.

“HA HA Bitch! You ain’t smarter then me. FUCK YOU, I OWN YOU BITCH.”

Cause you forgot to hit the motherfucking start button, and staring back at you, aside from the yeast water volcano poking up out of the flour covering it, being very much NOT a loaf of bread, is large amount of truth, and fucking self loathing and “FUCK YOU!” from your inner ADD self.

 

This is not just a one time thing. 10, 20 even 30 times a day you are reminded you have ADHD for the things you struggle with more then other people do. The lost keys, the lack of clean socks, no spoons, you forgot to buy milk,  a smelly SINGLE armpit when you are in the store shopping, and you realize when you were getting dressed that  morning and the kid came to you to help him put his socks on, you stopped in the middle of putting on underarm deodorant and not you have ONE smelly sweaty stinky pit, and so all day the wafting smell from your one  BO pit reminds you CONSTANTLY that there is no cure for ADHD, and yeah, pills only help a little and on a limited time frame, and it mother fucking exists.

So,anyone who dares tell me it doesn’t today, is gonna find their face buried in a pile of fucking gooey yeast water and flour, until you motherfucking inhale all the flour and choke on your fucking words.

ADD fucking SUCKS.

and that is the truth!

MY truth.

multitasking mixup

I had just finished eating a late supper, because I was outside splitting wood all evening, and was planning on taking a phone call from a ADHD online acquaintance and trying to the the kids prepped for bed all at once, and decided to multitask.

So, I was getting my 6yo son, sensoryboy, ready for bed and getting him a melatonin at the same time as getting two caffeine pills for myself, and handing my 11yo  daughter her melatonin.

In my attempt to multitask, I handed her her melatonin, got my caffiene pills, THOUGHT I handed the boy his melatonin, and then popped my caffiene pills and drank them down, while getting a drink for the kids each.

It was only when my son was standing there telling me I didn’t give him his melatonin yet that I realized that I took his small white melatonin pill that was under my large pink “wide awakes” and I never even noticed, because I was rushing, and trying to multitask.

the three of us started laughing so hard, we could not tell TMO ( theMundaneOne aka hubby) what I had done, and then just as I gathered myself to tell him while till giggling, my son “herpderped” me.

he HERP DERP-ED ME!

HAHA it was well deserved.

FYI, melatonin with 200mg of caffiene doesn’t really do much of anything.

FYI part duex. don’t get on my ass for taking 200 mg of caffiene…it’s the equivalent of a large tim horton’s coffee…with no sugar, and less shit flavour :P

never a dull moment around here I tell ya.

 

 

 

Crazy-Makin’

I’m not sure if it has been mentioned here before, but we’ve been without a hot water heater for almost 3 months. Our old hot water heater was the only propane appliance drawing from some VERY large tanks in our yard. When we moved in, we thought we’d use the propane for heating and eventually a  gas range, but we discovered very quickly that the propane fireplaces here were too inefficient to be practical. We’d decided to get rid of the big rental tanks and replace them with much smaller ones when Superior propane showed up while we weren’t home and refilled them without our permission (we’d repeatedly told them the house had changed owners and we didn’t want them filled). That meant we were stuck with them until they were empty enough to move – and by our calculations we had enough propane to run the hot water tank until at least 2011. They gave us a deferred, interest-free payment plan because of their screwup and that was paid in full as of March.

So, of course, we ran out of propane on April 17th, 2010.

Since then, we’ve had to do without. We’ve boiled water for baths on the stove, bathed in the mill pond, and used cold water for everything else. We researched out options extensively, including looking for alternative propane tanks that we could move and fill ourselves, alternative hot water heaters (including solar options), and anything else we could think of. Everything was a no-go: financially we couldn’t afford to purchase tanks, lines, regulators or anything else outright; because we live rurally, we don’t have natural gas lines so there is no gas company to finance a heater; our electricity comes from the large, main provincial utility rather than a local municipal supplier (the usual tank-rental providers); and we were having trouble getting financial help from CMHC,  the government agency which is supposed to assist with such problems. That is, until about 2 weeks ago, when we found a company which declares their mandate to be renting electric hot water tanks to rural homeowners. It took 10 days of phone-tag, but finally ADDGirl finally was able to arrange an installation for July 13th. Unfortunately, we didn’t know until they arrived that the existing HWT wiring didn’t meet the current building code so they were able to hook up the water to the tank, but not the power. I had to go out and purchase $6 worth of armoured cable and install it last night, so the plumbers could come back and connect the wire to the heater today (“We’re not allowed to go in your electrical panel, because we’re not electricians,” they said).

Sorry to be long-winded and boring, but I had to explain that to tell you about this.

I planned to work before dark so that when the main power was off, I’d still be able to see – but that didn’t work out. In fact, the job kept getting delayed and delayed until after 2am. I used a backup power pack (a deep cycle battery/built-in inverter combo device) to run a halogen work light so I could do the job with the mains off. It was gruelling due to my pain issues and lack of stamina, and the fact that pauses were needed to make everything safe and let the battery recharge with the mains back on (we had to do that at least 3 times). Finally done around 3:30am, I sat down to rest and relieve the agony in my legs while she put some things away. I was also desperately thirsty, but we had no drinking water because the kids had emptied the water cooler during the day and she’d forgotten to change it. Then, she got on the computer – in spite of the fact that she knew she had to be up for the plumber’s return in 5-6 hours – and proceeded to play around for more than 40 minutes. This induced an argument – while I tried to point out the lack of forward thinking in wasting time instead of getting into bed, she kept insisting that “wind down” time was needed. I went to double-check that things were finished, and discovered the back door had been left unlocked, so I locked up, turned off the lights, and came back to find her still on the computer. Finally, she came into the bedroom, crawled on the bed, and within seconds was incoherently telling me she’d “Just be a minute” and she’d refill the water cooler that she’d promised to take care of 12 hours before “in a sec”. Our well water is not suitable for drinking (after the water softener, it still tastes very unpleasant) so the water cooler or bottled water is only way to slake ones thirst. After I tried to be patient for almost an hour, we ended up having a huge blow-up because I lost my temper with the “I’m just resting my eyes a minute” B.S. In a snit, she went out to the car and brought in some bottled water. Eventually things calmed down, but it was damn close to 6:30am before we were actually getting to sleep.

Now, here’s what makes me nuts.

The plumber showed up sometime around 9am (without calling first like he was supposed to), so she wasn’t awake. He knocked but we were obviously too out-cold to hear it (which is actually abnormal for me, but given the circumstances, understandable). A neighbour walking by told him that if the van was home we were home, but he couldn’t get an answer. He saw through the window that the wire was ready to be hooked up, so he tried the door, found it unlocked, and walked in and connected the hot water tank. He then left a note and headed off to do his next service call.

Note that the door was unlocked. It wasn’t SUPPOSED to be unlocked.

She’d forgotten to lock it when she went out for water to drink. She wouldn’t have gone through it if it wasn’t for the argument and her sudden “inability to stay awake” problem.

I’d locked the door. I’d tried to get us into bed as soon as we were done the job. I’d reminded her repeatedly about the water, only to be ignored. I did everything right, trying to steer us toward getting enough rest and making sure she’d be up when the plumber showed up, trying to plan in advance and anticipating any problems.

She did everything wrong – she didn’t get to bed early enough (and prevented us both from getting the job done in a timely manner), she didn’t get the water when she was supposed to, forcing her to have to drag her butt outside at 5am – and as a result she left the door unlocked so anyone could walk in the house.

If it wasn’t for ADHD behaviour and the argument over failing to get stuff done,the plumber wouldn’t have been able to get in. He would’ve had to charge us for a service call instead of doing the hookup for free. We wouldn’t have hot water today – plus we’d have had to pay out-of-pocket to have them come back.

So much for learning from mistakes. ARGH!

MuffinTin Miracle!

So a few weeks ago I “liked” a page on facebook for “muffin tin meals” when I saw it on a friend’s status as it looked kind of fun for the kids, and I wanted some more info.

When I saw what they were doing with “muffin tin mondays” I decided I’d try it with the kids. I have muffin tins I NEVER use ( as you can see by the picture! lol) I liked the idea because it is derived from Bento boxes from Japanese traditions, and as an ADD person I find Asian culture’s streamline organized ways to be calming to my mind.

Anyway, in my usual ADD fashion I forgot about it for a week or so, and then in a rush one evening this week past, and from having literally NO clean plates in the house due to our current canoe project taking up a lot of my time, I needed a solution!

Once again a possible ADD disastrous supper due to no clean dishes, and little time to prepare anything decent, I became a Super ADD Mom, and got some major cool mom points for remembering the muffin tin idea.

I dug out some muffin tins and scoured the fridge for leftovers, and made a muffin tin meal for the kids. We had worked late on the canoe and everyone was tired and cranky, so I just threw in some fast bite foods to fill the tummies fast, and cut up their hot dogs in bite size manageable pieces with some raisins for the boy, and hummus for the girl.

THEY LOVED IT!

HOW SIMPLE an idea, but how BRILLIANT! A mom and former preschool teacher from California came up with muffin tin meals!

Now, the kids are asking for muffin tin meals at every supper, and if I can dish it in a muffin tin, I am!

The smaller sized sandwiches or hotdogs cut make it easier to eat, and they are HAPPY to have them cut for the muffin tin. If I suggested cutting a hot dog served on a plate in half to make it more manageable to hold they’d normally get really upset..possibly even major meltdowns, but in a muffin tin, they are happy to have it cut.

The girl HATES her foods touching each other, so this is PERFECT for her. Potatoes and corn and chicken all separated. Even gravy for dipping. She’s not whining about foods touching.

The hyper boy is making less mess and actually SITTING for supper!

In fact he was so excited for “our muffintin meal” for supper the other night he cleaned the WHOLE table off ( it was stacked with crafts, recycle, and the breakfast dishes)….and he worked really hard to wipe the table off! He was so Proud of himself! he said to me ” i’m being asponsible aren’t I mommy” with a big grin on his face.

Then in the evening after the kids were in bed. TMO and I were cutting beef up and I put the crock pot and slushie maker on the table for counter room, and in the morning the boy said ” AWWW man I JUST cleaned this WHOLE table and someone went and messed it ll up!”

I laughed so hard…nice role reversal. I cleared off the table and told them if they like muffin tin meals to keep the table and dining areas clean. Today they kept it clean again, and even put new place mats in place, and made a bouquet of fresh flowers from the garden. :)

So far… this is like a small miracle in my house! We are planning on shopping for some nicer looking colourful muffin tin type trays for the kids soon, or maybe making more traditional bento boxes.

The Mundane One has also said he’d like to eat that way too and spent some time on google looking at bento boxes.

Thanks @muffintinmom !! She and I connected on Twitter last night, and best part of all…. SHE’S a Super ADD Mom too!

Muffin Tin Mom

If you want to check it out, follow @muffintinmom on twitter, or read her blog at www.muffintinmom.com

Planning lessens my anxiety

So planning things is helping me not have so much anxiety.

becoming more aware of my high anxiety times is helping me avoid total add/aspie meltdowns.

all my life I’ve been a sort of “fly by the seat of my pants and see where I land and deal” kind of person.I think one of the reasons I avoided it like the plague is because I fear needing to be very rigid and have strict planning to function. it’s almost like dealing with the chaos feeds my ADHD need for stimulation, and my aspie side of me is cringing, and having anxiety the whole time.

So planning things, and using a day planner/to do list has not been natural to me, nor has it it been easy to start as a habit.

I’ve finally come to some habits that are making things easier for me, though if I get interrupted/sidetracked in my routines, I forget things lose things etc.

Slowly I’m trying to fix the mess I’ve made of this place since our move and my mental burnout. Your looking at someone who has taken 11 years to remember hubby needs his bread toasted to be able to eat it ( oral sensory issues)

So, I have a day planner I write a week out in, in an overall plan, and then each day of the week after the general plan I write out info that is important as those days come, like who I called, recipes, my master to do list for the week, and next steps in those projects .. really it’s just a composition book, with blank pages, so I have no worries of needing to remain neat, or confined to a certain amount of space.  it IS my brain it holds everything.

and I have a calendar I write out meals on for a week or more to have a plan.

On Sundays I plan the weeks meals ( generally, sometimes they change)

This week, my menu plans are

Chicken taco crockpot w/home made Naan bread

Salmon Croquettes w/dill sauce

beef crock pot & gravy w/mashed potato

Veggie Lasagna

Pizza

Crock Pot Pork with orange and Videlia onions & rosemary rice.

Study shows no growth stunting in ADHD medicated children.

published online 07 June 2010.

Objective

To assess the effect of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and its treatment on growth outcomes in children followed into adulthood.

Study design

Two identically designed, longitudinal, case-control studies of males and females with and without ADHD were combined; 124 and 137 control and subjects with ADHD, respectively, provided growth information at the 10- to 11-year follow-up. We used linear growth curve models to estimate the effect of time on change in height and whether this effect differed by sex and ADHD status. We also examined the effect of stimulant treatment on growth outcomes.

Results

We found no evidence that ADHD was associated with trajectories of height over time or differences at follow-up in any growth outcomes. Similarly, we found no evidence that stimulant treatment was associated with differences in growth. However, among subjects with ADHD, major depression was associated with significantly larger weight in females and smaller height in males.

Conclusions

Our results do not support an association between deficits in growth outcomes and either ADHD or psychostimulant treatment for ADHD. These findings extend the literature on this topic into young adulthood and should assist clinicians and parents in formulating treatment plans for children with ADHD.

SOURCE:  http://www.jpeds.com/article/S0022-3476%2810%2900325-2/abstract

a photo blog post of our garden progress.

the house we bought has a l shaped garden, long and thin, and a back area to garden in. I didn’t get to it last year, things got away from me, and it became too late. The Mundane one was very disappointed about it, as he love the garden, even thought he cannot do as much as he used to be able to do before he got sick.

So when I went to tackle the back garden area there was 3 foot high grass and old dead brush to clear first.

So I raked the dead brush and burned it, and then started with getting the grass cut down.

then I cut the grass…i tried digging with the shovel to trn the roots, but it killed my back, after sweating my butt off, i grabbed the lawn mover and mowed the tall grass with the lawn mower tilted up, to keep it from stalling out…like in a chomping motion. finally got it all chopped down, and then had to rake it all out to be able to start tilling.

then I tilled it over a few days, in between fixing the tiller 3 or 4 times. ( hubby did most of the tiller fixin’ work.)

This evening I took it back to the guy I bought it from and he’s gonna tinker with it. He plays with them and fixes up old stuff. If he’s not ADHD at 81, i’ll eat my shirt. He’s got unfinished projects everywhere, and a barn that screams ADHD organization. Every flat surface is covered, and there are piles everywhere. but he’s happy and it’s his space, and it’s been that way all his life, and he knows where EVERYTHING is. He stood around talking to me for a good 20 minutes, which *I* personally find funny, cause I can shoot the shit with just about anyone, but *I’m* usually not the one trying to get a word in edgewise and making motions towards needing to leave without being rude while the ADDer rambles on about 20 different topics that go from one to the other “stream of consciousness” topic changes. It, didn’t bother me a bit but it was a neat thing to witness and realize as I’m standing there.

I think I could sit and talk to him and his wife for hours. She is a  Mini Pearl impersonator, and she is GREAT!

The sweetest, funniest thing I think I have ever seen, is that in red nail polish she has written on his barn door “We eat at 12 noon and 5 pm SHARP, for an HOUR! Thanks Hilda” he chuckled and said she did it cause people come by and he just can’t be rude and not chat or see them. So, now people just know NOT to come by then. :)

with most of th4e tilling done we strung string across the garden to mark north and south so we can lay the 4 by 4 foot squares facing south for optimal sun.

Hubby was there with a compass and getting down to fine points on the north and south, I told him “it’s a garden, not rocket science dear!” he rolled his eyes in that “you and your ADD” to me, while I rolled my eyes at him in that “you and your OCD” this is why we’ve managed to make it 11 years…we keep it interesting butting heads constantly :P


then we strung thre areas for the 4 by 4 foot squares. We will have 13 in total. I wanted to start slow, and go with 4 or 6 this year and then add them as we go, but Mr perfection that he is made a plan and even hauled out the graph paper, named the squares and areas of the garden, and planned EVERY single plant in the 13 squares. i mock in a kidding tone, because this will help us save money, but currently I’m in massive pain, frustrated as hell that it is taking so long, and feeling a bit overwhelemd at the idea of getting in & caring for 13 squares! Gardening and ADHD don’t go well together. I’m anxious at the thought of the arguments of having let lettuce go to seed accidently, or killing plants be forgetting to water them. I’m going to have to make gardening a morning daily chore. once I get into doing it, I don’t mind, I find it meditative, but I have SOOO many things to do already.

so, this picture was taken this afternoon, just before I took a break to eat something, and then take the tiller to the old guy to have a look at it. 5 squares edged. the 6th being measured out to I can dig, and the white sheet of plywood marking where the 7th will go. after that I still have 5 more to till again, rake, de-root, mark out, and edge before we can start planting.

Back at it again tomorrow. I hope it doesn’t rain! I’ll be out in it anyway.

Signs, signs…everywhere signs.

  1. 4 yo me saw my third term of SK marked as “behind her peers” and would be held back in SK if I didn’t show significant improvement
  2. 4 year old me did not get along well with the other girls, i didn’t understand “playground soial rules” and the teacher was concerned for me

  3. 4 year old me, was clumsy, and accident prone, and was no longer allowed un covered cups at snacktime…i remember the yelling

  4. 4 yo me, had hearing tests because I appeared to have a hearing deficit, but my physical hearing tests came back fine

  5. 4 yo me had to take speech therapy bcause I could not talk well…speech therapy taught me how to read lips, little did they know..

  6. 4 yo me could not count to 15, i would count, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,12, 11,13,14,15 EVERYTIME, and was scolded for it ( i remember well)

  7. 4 yo old me, refused to play building blocks with a partner, and wanted to be alone and would have temper tantrums if forced to play blocks

  8. 4 yo me, could not sit still for reading circle, interrupted with questions, being “picky” on the teacher paraphrasing the storys she knew..

  9. 4 yo me…hated chalk and paint on my hands, refused to do those activities. liked to play house with dolls, in the dress up area alone..

so, ya.. looking at this report card.. the signs are SO CLEAR…but not in a public school classroom in 1978

Busy Feet, Milk & Tweezers

I live on the outskirts of a small town. I used to live in the small town, and for the last 5 years attended mommy play groups with other parents. So, when I go to town, I see some people I “know” on a hello basis.

Tonight when taking the girl to her swim class in town at the rec centre, I knew I had to go and pick up milk at the store my kids call “Big Tig” ( the store has a huge tiger painted on the side)

A few weeks ago we ran into the coordinator of a mommy and me evening program called Busy feet, and we had not gone since we moved from town.

Since the programs on Wednesdays overlap by an hour, she invited us to bring the boy while the girl is at her class, and tonight he mentioned to me that he wanted to go to busy feet.

He mentioned this as we were getting back in the van from dropping off the girl, and I happily agreed that we’d stop by to see after I picked up some milk.

And the very second I agreed to go check it out, and see people we have not seen in a while, I got in the van and flipped down the sun visor and noticed something that made me want to get out of going anywhere in public.

big black chin hairs! OHHHHHH crap! As a 35 year old ADD woman, with changing hormones, I no longer worry about pimples, but I’ve started growing stray dark black chairs out of my chin….this would not be so bad, but I forget to do a good check and pluck them out, and then I notice them at really awkward times, like when I’m in town, without tweezers, and needing to go somewhere in public.

I frantically searched my backpack for a pair of tweezers. I own several pair.. and I had THOUGHT i left a pair in my back pack for just this kind of situation…but a 5 minute search resulted in nothing, and found me bargaining with my 5 year old to find a reason to NOT go to busy feet, where I’d have to talk to people, and be totally aware in my own head of the black chin hairs. I rationalized that I’m sure no one will notice, but that it didn’t matter. I’d notice, and that was enough to make me nervous and anxious. I have social anxiety enough as it is with my communication issues due to hearing processing, and also reading people’s body language, so I didn’t need this kind of extra anxiety.

So, I drove to run an errand for The Mundane One, and got stuck in traffic, then went to big tig for milk, and decided to see if they had some cheap tweezers.

Cleaning the car last week while waiting for a dr appointment I’d found a $1 coin ( called a looney in Canada) and thought perhaps it wold save me.

IT DID. they had a pair of tweezers for a dollar!!!! so I bought them, and plucked them suckers out of my chin in the parking lot, and then went off to the play group with my boy for the last 40 minutes of it. And in all of that, I almost forgot to buy the milk!

(me in total “no makeup, hair in  ponytail, not brushed today, stained sweater going to town mode”)

Being a sexy SuperADDmom is no simple task!

And I’m gonna yell at the Mundane One for letting me out the door like that!

I’m keeping the tweezers I bought today in the van from now on, for just this kind of situation!

ADHD Protip

Uggg. I can’t find the arm pit spray! Because I have to attend the gym and swim program with the boy, I put my personal hygeine products in a travel bag to take back and forth with me, and now I’ve lost my underarm deoderant! I have b ack ups, but I didn’t want to smell like Vanilla today, I wanted to smell like Cucumbers.

Make sure you buy double,”travel” items, and leave your home stuff home.

also, when you are trying to establish a new “home” for things so you never lose them…maybe write down on a card for the fridge where you made the new home cause last night I searched for my day planner for an hour.

I finally remembered I had put in in my nap sack in one of my “i’m gonna get all organized moments”, and promptly forgot it was there. Where I intended it to always be, but have not put it there in over a year.

IT took me over 3 years to establish a “hang your keys up right away when you walk in the door” routine.. and some days I still don’t because i have to run in fast to pee…and on top of that, the kids like to steal my keys to open the workshop, or turn on the radio in the van when they are waiting for me.

Next Page »