Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk

I’m going to lose my shit! Seriously… the noise is nuts! POLLUTION to my brain.

I’m having a bad auditory day….every noise is grating on my nerves, and is amplified and making me jumpy.

I’ve been up since 8 am, with 4 hours of poor sleep due to pain. I go up today and took the boy to his dash and splash program which I have to paricipate in too. So I’ve trampolined, and swam today and coached the boy in his classes.

He loves the water, but is freaky about water on his face and ears, and that was today’s class…WOOHOO.

So he practically drowned me in the pool clinging to me, and near ripping off my bathing suit.

Anyway….I’ve somehow hurt my right rotator cuff and am in pain It feels like someone slammed my shoulder joint area with a sledge hammer. it feels bruised…i’ve never felt this kind of thing before. Anyway, physical pain  always lowers my ability to filter things, and makes me more scatterbrained, and I’m a low hormone level in my monthly cycle anyway, so I am just less able to  cope right now with too much sensory input. Even lights are too bright today, and the shades are drawn, and the lights are off.

I ran errands, drove home ( which always takes extra concentration effort when I’m having “bad brain” day.) and I’m exhausted mentally.

These are the current noises going on around me at seemingly IMAX theater surround sound levels:

Hubby playing a first person shooter game on the wii in the living room in surround sound sterio.

The kids arguing in the kitchen over a train set we borrowed from the toy lending library, the CAPD boy has the tendancy to talk too loud, and especially when he’s frustrated, and due to his sensory issues and exercising for 2 hours this morning, he is cranky and tired from working his gross muscles and practising his balance, and getting lots od vestibular stimulation.

the bread machine churning dough for pizza later. The Aspie girl is dressed up to be pretty today and wearing high heeled shoes she loves and they are clicking on the floor like riverdance.

Hubby yelling at the kids to not step in the wayof his game.

The dog barking in the bag porch.

And the timer beeping to warn that the cookies can come out of the oven.

I am gonna seriously freak out!  I’m physically tired, I need a nap to rejuvinate my brain power to cope with this stuff, but at 2 pm, there are too many things going on and too many things I’m needed for.

It is moments like this that I think my father’s ability to turn off his hearing with his cochlear implant must be a great blessing.

Where can I sign me up for one of those..like right now….PLEASE!?

Anyone have an auger? Can I borrow it? Left ear first please.

We live in a very rural area, and about 12 klm from town of about 5000. there they have a fitness and aqua center,  and this week I got the kids signed up for programs there.

We have a great community, that helps low income families like ours pay for such programs so they can attend. Honestly the gas in and of itself twice a week makes the budget tight for the next 8 weeks, but the program is covered, and the kids benefit from it tremendously in many ways.

Socially, physically, and even mentally and therapeutically for their sensory integration issues.

So for their age groups I have them in a gym and swim program, the girl had an hour of swimming ( informal swimming and water games, and some guidance, not lessons, but coaching just the same) and then an hour in the gym for a rules/lead game and some tumble and roll, trampoline gymnastics stuff.

She will be going every Wednesday evening, and then the boy will be in a similar set up on Thursday mornings for the next 8 weeks, but I need to attend with him and coach him in the pool, formal level red cross swimming lesson, with one leader/coach guiding us teaching our kid.

Anyway. her first night was tonight, and got the low down on all the boys who cheated at the games they played in the gym…ever the rules police she is Aspie kids are stickler for rules, and don’t adjust well to change. She has the added issue of being ADHD as well, and gets easily side tracked, so because of these things, she was terribly worried about going, that no one would like her, that she can’t swim very good, and she sucks at sports like soccer.

When we got there we discovered that due to pool availability, the swim portion of the 2 hour program is first. Which I think is really rather shitty, cause she’ll have to shower off the pool chemicals from her body to go to gym, and do all that in a timely fashion, AND then she’ll sweat and stink in the gym, and come home and need to shower again!
With a child who has an issues with time management, getting side tracked, and anxiety about changing in front of other girls, this could really put a major crimp in her liking this program at all. She was VERY upset…it’s different from how the program ran last year, so she was all bent out of shape over that at first….and she NEVER showers for less than 15 minutes, and THEN takes 15 minutes to dry and change….so I can’t just drop her off for a 2 hour free time in town, and then pick her up… I need to be there in the middle of the 2 hours, for the switch over, to ensure she stays on track. It is a good lesson for her to work at, and would be helpful, but still, not what we understood, not what we planned, and i can’t just take 2 hours to do errands, or maybe even enjoy a break at the library, or whatever, without needing to be back there an hour into it, and then hang around for 45 minutes left of the program.

But even with that…she had a good first night, and she was happy to be the first person dressed and ready for gym.

I’m glad she enjoyed it and came home with a smile on her face, and excited about it.

I’m really pleased with her instructor/leader. She eased into it well, though she was terrified and almost in tears at the beginning.

I hope that he is a sign of changes happening with a new generation of community leaders/teachers/coaches etc we are about to see more in upcoming years as my children and children with special needs are being accepted.

He’s energetic and young ( about 18/19) and great with the kids, and was receptive to my suggestions to make my girls’s experience better, to help lower her anxiety in social situations, and how to give her warnings for changing events/transitions easier. He didn’t know much about it, but he generally understood Aspergers and ADHD and was positive about her maybe needing a little extra coaching to stay on track.

I watched him interact with the kids in the pool, and with the kids in the gym, and leading the games, and He’s a positive verbal encourager, but not unfairly, and he high fives all the kids and makes them feel positive about their contributions….you can tell he is fresh in the game and loves his job.

I want more of this in my children’s future. He was a pleasure to watch coach the kids.

Tomorrow at 9:45, I’ll be back there with a great female instructor we know from my sons program last year, and last year he was very shy due to his CAPD…but he ASKED to go back this year, and is very excited about tomorrow. She’s in her mid 20′s, and she is just as great.

I rant a lot sometimes, so it is nice when I have the opportunity to share nice things

For a long time, I’ve had been who other people expect or want me to be. I have been really good at putting away parts of my personality to “fit in” with the particular crowd I would be with. Or trying to be the type of person society and people have told me I should be. Since I made the aspergers connection, I feel less guilty for the ways I am, and am trying to accept myself more.

There are aspects of myslef I cannot change, and I’m done trying to squash them to be more likeable to certain people. If I have to “perform” to be like by them, I don’t want them in my life.

In the last little while, I have realized who the people I am most myself with, accept me for who I am… all of who I am, and I like that. So, I’m trying to just be me, no matter what, no matter where.

I don’t need to figure out which filter to put on to deal with certain people, and I don’t feel worried about what I’m saying or how it is taken.

I’m tired of filtering myself. I’m tired of people wanting to be friends, and then getting close enough to realize there are aspects of my personality they don’t like, or jive well with theirs. IT hurts me to get invested in a  friendship to have it end because people can’t handle how “Me” I am.

for over a year, I had two twitter accounts… one for the more “serious mommy/clean me” stuff and one for the more “dirty jokes, sexy woman” me twitter. And I kept them seperate.

But, recently I decided to not do that anymore, and just be all out me. If my mother can handle all sides of me, and I can be totally me in front of her, then anyone who can’t handle all sides of me, probably is not someone I want in my life anyway.

on twitter “SuperADDmom” is all of me, because all of those parts of me, are what make up the whole me.

I have too much going on in life that is stressfull to worry about what people think of me…so here I am…the “real” me…all of me…

I don’t need to, nor want to hide the dirty joke, sexy side of myself to be taken seriously as a person who is smart, knowledgeable and an advocate for ADHD and Autism etc.

1 hour of filing bags makes 16 bags of wood

those 16 bags emptied in the wood crib at home made about 1/2 a cord of wood.

We’ll need about 4 to 5 cords of wood to be safe for next winter.

Hauling, driving filling the bags and piling it took about 3 hours.

so…30 hours of wood collecting will get me the wood we need to heat the house for free next winter.

When you heat with wood, just cause the nice weather is out, doesn’t mean i can let the ball drop.. I did that last year and that’s why I was collecting wood with a freezing cold wet ass on a pile of wood in the snow in minus 23 degree Celsius weather in January.

ugggg

a half hour of actual time on the gazelle tonight.

i’m glad the thing pauses when it is not moving. I had to stop so many times to rest the aches in my feet. It has taken me about 45 minutes to go a half hour tonight.

My feet are sore today, i’ve drug a lot of heavy stuff around this weekend, and it was a busy week. having a lot of things i need to be “on” for wears my mental stamina out with my neurodiversities, so i’m exhausted.

i hauled a play house made of skids home for the kids this weekend, and have been trying to clean the yard and paint outside etc.

I didn’t get in 10 klm for the week. i only got in 9.3. i wish i could have made it the whole, way, it seems like such a small amount to go for left, but i totally pushed myself to even go much farther past the first 10 minutes tonight.

I’m glad i did it though, i need to stay in the habit. I’ve been missing it all week, and wishing I was not so busy or tired from everything else i was dong. The emotional habit is there… so i have to make sure i keep up with the physical habit of doing it.

Thankyou to everyone on twitter and facebook who cheers me on. sometimes it really helps to know people are watching…cause sometimes I’d just talk myself out of it if no one was paying attention.

#tired #sore #gazelle

Because being poor and not creative would really be hell!

a lot of the stuff we have, are things we recycle, build fix.

This week I rescued an old dresser that is all busted up and was set to burn in a garbage pile at the dump. I saved it, and am currently re purposing it, into a garden arrangement. I’m painting it white, adding chicken wire to the top dressers on the front, filling it with dirt and going to grow flowers and herb out of it.

It’s going in my tea garden on the front of the house.

Also, today I salvaged a skid/pallet “shed” from the local hardware store. i think it had come with garden center supplies on it, and the local hotdog wagon vendor guy had put a roof on it to hold his supplies, and then dumped it off in the “free wood” pile near the store.

The kids saw it yesterday and mentioned it would make a cool clubhouse.

So today when I went into town, I took the trailer and grabbed it. it was HEAVY, and awkward to move around but I did it. it is now in the back yard waiting for some reinforcements, paint, and fixing up with other scrap wood, singles and windows etc, I have salvaged, or will in the near future.

Rural life was meant for me…this is ME, I am in my element when I’m doing this stuff

I’m pretty sure “rustic” as a decor, was invented by people with ADHD

I can’t wait to post pictures of the dresser, and show the ongoing progress of the clubhouse

It’s Family Fun Night and we usually do something all together.
The cubs have been fighting and arguing all day. I’m tired, and the boy wanted to watch a movie. So, tonight family fun night is me and bupba snuggling in the bedroom watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs, and the girl and daddy playing hockey on the Wii in the living room

everyone is happy, each gets special one on one time, and they arn’t fighting

I just took a sponge bath…so,I challenge you to take a sponge bath this week. using only 8 cups of hot water.

Why?

We have run out of propane to heat the hot water heater, so we are “roughing it” until the propane gets filled in a few days.

though, I’d hardly call no hot water right out of the tap roughing it, for where I come from. But I am sure there are some people in the world who have never even thought of where their hot water comes from.

I used to have to sponge bath when I was a kid. Not “often”, but enough to be familiar with the concept, and the ability to wash my whole body, my hair, and rinse off with 8 cups of hot water, mixed half and half in the tub with cold water, using nothing but a cloth and a cup.

now I am all clean and and feeling fresh after a grubby day of yard work

I enjoyed it…could live like this all the time if I had to and would not blink an eye, or mind all that much. I’m

It is amazing to me how much we are users and wasters in our daily lives.

As a family with disabilities, we live on a small pension income. An income so small that decent food and making sure we have milk and vegetables is often a struggle.

We do pretty well I think, compared to some in our level of income. The Mundane One has an ability to balance the budget like no one I’ve ever seen.

We don’t drink alcohol on a regular basis, and the odd  bottle of alcohol we do buy lasts us MONTHS, and we don’t smoke, so we have no habits that cost a lot of money. We buy second hand clothes from thrift shops,( except under garnments & shoes ) and we freecycle, recycle, fix, and barter a LOT for the things we have. it’s just what we have to do. We heat the house in the winter with wood that we collect for free all year long from the sides of the road, people yards who are cutting down trees, and a  lumber yard who lets us take  scraps.

We pay for internet as our source of entertainment, and it is also for homeschooling/educational purposes. We don’t have cable, or satellite, no home phone. a 10 year old vehicle, a fixer upper almost 200 year old home we purchased cheap because it need a lot of work, and we were given help on the purchase by the vendor holding the mortgage for us.

We enjoy life by doing cheap and simple/free things, like watching movies, fishing, going to the beach, or for walks in nature to take pictures etc. We try to accentuate the positive in a pretty stressful life, because if we didn’t we’d be miserable. We grow a garden to cut the grocery bill, we did everything we can to stretch food to make as many meals as we can. I can make a single chicken into 3 supper meals for a family of 4.

When we buy groceries and home supplies, we buy sales only and in larger amounts to save money. This requires all day trips to the city usually, which we combine with a needed trip like an appointment with my ADD doctor, to save on gas and wear and tear on the vehicle.

we hardly ever have much money to do things like go out for dinner, so last nights meal out to Pizza hut was a special treat that rarely happens, and it only happened because they have a Tuesdays kids eat free plan.

we are lucky enough to live in a place that has some great community programs that help us out a lot. a wonderful church run food bank once a month, who are very good to the kids, and a county that helps low income families pay for sports or swimming lessons etc, and a christmas program called “the Angels” to help families like us with holiday gifts/meal and clothes for the kids. Even the local Police run a winter clothing coat program, that we’d be lost without since our provincial government took away our children’s Winter Clothing Allowance. We really truly are blessed to live in a great place. I don’t know what we’d do if we could not get such help.

But as blessed as I feel, I still hate being poor. I hate telling my kids they cannot do stuff because we can’t afford it. They’ll likely never go to Zoo, or Science Center, or museums, because we cannot afford the admission, never mind the gas to travel to those kinds of places.

I hate shopping every time we go shopping I get depressed. I’m not looking at nice shoes, ro clothes I want, I could care less about that stuff. I get depressed because we need new towels, and facecloths, and decent sheets and pillows. I get depressed because of things for the house we could use to make life easier, but we cannot afford, and the one luxury thing I day dream about isn’t even selfish, or for me, it’s a washer and dryer ( in red)/laundry room sink/counter at the local Home Hardware. How sad is that!?

But, as much as I hate shopping, I especially hate shopping in the spring. I end up in a funk for days because I see all these organizational things that would help me be more organized and lessen the stress of my ADHD disorganization, which would in turn, lift some stress on everyone in the house, and make things easier on us.

About a month ago we were shopping and I saw some baskets for $10. They were perfect for the bathroom and to finally organize the top of the cabinet of things that had no home. I wanted them desperately. I asked hubby if we could manage the baskets this month. It was tight, but we did it, and I took the basket homes and made labels for them and organized the bathroom with them. It felt great, I LOVED that.

I thought to myself, If I could afford this kind of organizational stuff, getting organized and staying organized wold be so much easier!

I know if  I could afford things like that and organizational closet  systems, cupboards for the laundry room, a DRESSER for my clothes, I’d be less stressed, more organized, less cluttered etc.

I hate shopping and seeing things that would be great to help out our logistical issues and ADD living, and not being able to buy them.

It breaks my heart when my daughter begs me for a set of cloth baskets with a label on it to write whats in the basket, because she sees it would help her organizer her bedroom better, and I have to say no, because that $5 would buy us milk for the week.

Yesterday we bought a dry erase  board that has four months on it, to plan your weeks/months and see clearly what’s a head. I loved it, and thought it would be helpful. It was $10. I hate that we had to stand there and try to decide if we should or not. It was a sacrifice to buy it. That $10 has to come from somewhere else, and means we probably spent too much money and my hubby will be out of tylenol 1′s for his pain until the end of the month.

So for the next two weeks, we’ll be well organized in knowing where we are supposed to be and when, but hubby will be in pain, because of his sacrifice.

Being poor sucks, and that’s why I hate shopping.