Welcome to the New Me
| April 27, 2010 | Posted by SuperADDMom under ADDventures, iRant |
For a long time, I’ve had been who other people expect or want me to be. I have been really good at putting away parts of my personality to “fit in” with the particular crowd I would be with. Or trying to be the type of person society and people have told me I should be. Since I made the aspergers connection, I feel less guilty for the ways I am, and am trying to accept myself more.
There are aspects of myslef I cannot change, and I’m done trying to squash them to be more likeable to certain people. If I have to “perform” to be like by them, I don’t want them in my life.
In the last little while, I have realized who the people I am most myself with, accept me for who I am… all of who I am, and I like that. So, I’m trying to just be me, no matter what, no matter where.
I don’t need to figure out which filter to put on to deal with certain people, and I don’t feel worried about what I’m saying or how it is taken.
I’m tired of filtering myself. I’m tired of people wanting to be friends, and then getting close enough to realize there are aspects of my personality they don’t like, or jive well with theirs. IT hurts me to get invested in a friendship to have it end because people can’t handle how “Me” I am.
for over a year, I had two twitter accounts… one for the more “serious mommy/clean me” stuff and one for the more “dirty jokes, sexy woman” me twitter. And I kept them seperate.
But, recently I decided to not do that anymore, and just be all out me. If my mother can handle all sides of me, and I can be totally me in front of her, then anyone who can’t handle all sides of me, probably is not someone I want in my life anyway.
on twitter “SuperADDmom” is all of me, because all of those parts of me, are what make up the whole me.
I have too much going on in life that is stressfull to worry about what people think of me…so here I am…the “real” me…all of me…
I don’t need to, nor want to hide the dirty joke, sexy side of myself to be taken seriously as a person who is smart, knowledgeable and an advocate for ADHD and Autism etc.
- So, this is the whole package…
- You either like me or you don’t. If you are not contributing to my life in a positive way you are not in my life. Sorry I just don’t have the time for playing games. I’m busy and my time is valuable to the people in my life who do want me in it.
- I hate liars, and back stabbers. If you are one, you won’t be in my life for long.
- I’m a country gal. I was born to a family who cussed like sailors, so I do curse.Probably more than I should, but I’m human.I won’t apologize.
- I’m from the East Coast of Canada, so though I chose not to drink alcohol very much, i used to and I could drink you under the table. I’m a happy drunk, and I chose not to drink much, because I like it a lot, and could probably like it too much, since I come from a family of addicts. I refuse to let alcohol be how I cope with a stressfull life.
- I often have my mind in the gutter & I tell dirty jokes. I’m not bragging, it’s just a fact. I’m a spiritual person, and a deep thinker, and I strive to better myself all the time, but being all deep, all of the time, and waxing philosophical constantly wears out my brain, and makes me heart heavy. I consider myself to be a Buddhist, but I’m not nearly finished my reincarnations back to this world to finish learning.
I refuse to be something I’m not for anyone and I don’t pretend to like people I don’t. If you are in my life, I consider you a friend. I am straight forward, I don’t like head games, or having to guess where we stand with each other.
- I consider silence to be assent, so if you are not standing up for what you feel is right, you are strengthening that which is wrong.
I’m a very strong believer of the truth & the eightfold path… therefore I am opinionated, and often find myself fighting for truth and justice. So, I can be crass, I tell it like it is and I refuse to be silenced. Sometimes people hate me for this…that’s ok by me. I’d rather you opening hate me, than secretly hate me while pretending to like me.
I’m more redneck then you’d probably like me to be. I can operate a chainsaw, drive a standard, back up a trailer, lift my own body weight, and am not afriad to get my hands dirty. I’m not big on high society social graces. I’m a BBQ gal, not a “let’s do brunch” kind of gal.
- I don’t wear much makeup often, but I like to feel pretty and sexy. I have breasts and I like them, so I flaunt them. They’ve fed hungry children, and keep my husband occupied, so they deserve the recognition. I don’t care if that makes you uncomfortable, or upsets femininists.
I’m NOT a feminist, I’m a “peopleist” and I’m a “Stand by Your Man” kind of Woman.
I’m not Christian, and I don’t need you to save me. I won’t hold your faith against you, if you don’t shove it down my throat, and I won’t try to sell you on mine.
- I’m the most “unbuddhist” Buddhist you’ll ever meet.
I am the most happy, relaxed, stress out person you’ll ever meet. I cope by having moods and expressing them here and on my twitter. I complain when I need to vent, and count my blessings when I have them. It helps keep a balance that allows me to be functional and successful in my life. It is what keeps me smiling.
- I’m the most caring, loyal friend you could ever have, but if you double cross me we’re done. I don’t hold grudges forever, because with ADHD after some time, I’ll forget the details of why I no longer trust you…but I’ll trust my guts and still not trust you. I do give second chances, but it takes a lot to prove to me that you have changed…most people never get that far, because they don’t care enough to find out that I do forgive, and most people who did try to prove it to me, in one way or another have always let me down.
- I suck at small talk, it makes me uncomfortable, so I yammer…I have a monotone voice when I talk, and I suck at eye contact unless I feel safe with you. I have a hearing disability so social situations make me uncomfortable because I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself . I’m not standoffish, it’s just how seem. But no matter how much I adore you, I am not a huggy/kissy person, but I’m the most verbally affectionate person there could be if I adore you. MY compliments are always genuine, because it never occurs to me to kiss anyones ass.
- I’m a square peg in a round hole society.
