I hate shopping

As a family with disabilities, we live on a small pension income. An income so small that decent food and making sure we have milk and vegetables is often a struggle.

We do pretty well I think, compared to some in our level of income. The Mundane One has an ability to balance the budget like no one I’ve ever seen.

We don’t drink alcohol on a regular basis, and the odd  bottle of alcohol we do buy lasts us MONTHS, and we don’t smoke, so we have no habits that cost a lot of money. We buy second hand clothes from thrift shops,( except under garnments & shoes ) and we freecycle, recycle, fix, and barter a LOT for the things we have. it’s just what we have to do. We heat the house in the winter with wood that we collect for free all year long from the sides of the road, people yards who are cutting down trees, and a  lumber yard who lets us take  scraps.

We pay for internet as our source of entertainment, and it is also for homeschooling/educational purposes. We don’t have cable, or satellite, no home phone. a 10 year old vehicle, a fixer upper almost 200 year old home we purchased cheap because it need a lot of work, and we were given help on the purchase by the vendor holding the mortgage for us.

We enjoy life by doing cheap and simple/free things, like watching movies, fishing, going to the beach, or for walks in nature to take pictures etc. We try to accentuate the positive in a pretty stressful life, because if we didn’t we’d be miserable. We grow a garden to cut the grocery bill, we did everything we can to stretch food to make as many meals as we can. I can make a single chicken into 3 supper meals for a family of 4.

When we buy groceries and home supplies, we buy sales only and in larger amounts to save money. This requires all day trips to the city usually, which we combine with a needed trip like an appointment with my ADD doctor, to save on gas and wear and tear on the vehicle.

we hardly ever have much money to do things like go out for dinner, so last nights meal out to Pizza hut was a special treat that rarely happens, and it only happened because they have a Tuesdays kids eat free plan.

we are lucky enough to live in a place that has some great community programs that help us out a lot. a wonderful church run food bank once a month, who are very good to the kids, and a county that helps low income families pay for sports or swimming lessons etc, and a christmas program called “the Angels” to help families like us with holiday gifts/meal and clothes for the kids. Even the local Police run a winter clothing coat program, that we’d be lost without since our provincial government took away our children’s Winter Clothing Allowance. We really truly are blessed to live in a great place. I don’t know what we’d do if we could not get such help.

But as blessed as I feel, I still hate being poor. I hate telling my kids they cannot do stuff because we can’t afford it. They’ll likely never go to Zoo, or Science Center, or museums, because we cannot afford the admission, never mind the gas to travel to those kinds of places.

I hate shopping every time we go shopping I get depressed. I’m not looking at nice shoes, ro clothes I want, I could care less about that stuff. I get depressed because we need new towels, and facecloths, and decent sheets and pillows. I get depressed because of things for the house we could use to make life easier, but we cannot afford, and the one luxury thing I day dream about isn’t even selfish, or for me, it’s a washer and dryer ( in red)/laundry room sink/counter at the local Home Hardware. How sad is that!?

But, as much as I hate shopping, I especially hate shopping in the spring. I end up in a funk for days because I see all these organizational things that would help me be more organized and lessen the stress of my ADHD disorganization, which would in turn, lift some stress on everyone in the house, and make things easier on us.

About a month ago we were shopping and I saw some baskets for $10. They were perfect for the bathroom and to finally organize the top of the cabinet of things that had no home. I wanted them desperately. I asked hubby if we could manage the baskets this month. It was tight, but we did it, and I took the basket homes and made labels for them and organized the bathroom with them. It felt great, I LOVED that.

I thought to myself, If I could afford this kind of organizational stuff, getting organized and staying organized wold be so much easier!

I know if  I could afford things like that and organizational closet  systems, cupboards for the laundry room, a DRESSER for my clothes, I’d be less stressed, more organized, less cluttered etc.

I hate shopping and seeing things that would be great to help out our logistical issues and ADD living, and not being able to buy them.

It breaks my heart when my daughter begs me for a set of cloth baskets with a label on it to write whats in the basket, because she sees it would help her organizer her bedroom better, and I have to say no, because that $5 would buy us milk for the week.

Yesterday we bought a dry erase  board that has four months on it, to plan your weeks/months and see clearly what’s a head. I loved it, and thought it would be helpful. It was $10. I hate that we had to stand there and try to decide if we should or not. It was a sacrifice to buy it. That $10 has to come from somewhere else, and means we probably spent too much money and my hubby will be out of tylenol 1′s for his pain until the end of the month.

So for the next two weeks, we’ll be well organized in knowing where we are supposed to be and when, but hubby will be in pain, because of his sacrifice.

Being poor sucks, and that’s why I hate shopping.