People on facebook are posting the following today:
“Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were an hour old I would die for you. This is the miracle of life.” Put this on your status if you have children you love more than life itself. I LOVE MY KIDS”
What person would not feel guilty for not posting this if someone sent it to you and said “post this to prove you love your kid and you are a good mother”
Not me….this is just stupid shit.
Yes…
I generally wanted kids, i generally loved the idea of having kids, I was mature enough to know the work being a parent is. I love my idealized vision of my kids before they were born, I delighted in their perfectness when they were an hour old, it’s not hard to be perfect when people even delight in your shit functions and when you puke on them.
I love my kids more than life itself……but I did not ask for these specific kids.
I love my kids, and I do the best I can to be a good mom, and provide them with the necessities, and the lessons in life they need to be able to be independent functional adults. Some days that is really easy… some days it is not easy at all, and the idea of running away is VERY VERY attractive.
If someone had asked me BEFORE i had MY specific kids if I wanted this many struggles in my day to day life raising two kids with special needs, I’d of laughed in their face and said “no thanks” EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WOULD HAVE.
No,It does not mean I don’t want them, or don’t love them, but in my experience, if you are in love with an idea of who your kid is gonna be before you even have them, you’ll be disappointed.( and shockingly surprised with the unexpected “good” stuff too, thankfully)
Then, I would have picked different idiosyncrasies for sure… but “NOW…..I’m glad I didn’t know, the way it all would go, cause I could have missed the pain, but I would have to miss the dance”.
This does not make me a bad mother, this does not make me a good mother, nor does it make me a better mother than anyone with kids who are not so much “more”
So, no thanks, i WON’T post this as my status to prove i love my kids…them being happy, thriving, functional kids to this point, is proof enough thanks very much.
The funny part about this status is, most of the mommies who are posting it are “new mommies” who have kids who can still be contained in a bumble chair, are still in diapers or potty training because that’s the stage they SHOULD be in. Their kids don’t sas them,or argue about simple chores, and when they have a temper tantrum, it’s still considered “cute”
Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children, they do things every day to make me smile, laugh and even miss them when they are sleeping.
But kids are people, human with their own personalities, and though we can chose our friends and who we hang out with, and even decide to stop talking to people in our families, we cannot chose these people we have to spend the next 18 or so years of our time, energy and money on.
Not even in those moments when we are pulling our hair out, and secretly say to ourselves, WHY did i get THIS specific set of DNA in a bundle to make THIS person as my child!?” we still have to protect them, and provide for them.
We should not need to proclaim our love for our children for people to know we do.
