Somedays…somedays I cry

Most days I plug away…i do what needs to be done, and I do the best I can, and enjoy the good moments, no matter how many bad moments they are separated by.

Being a family of two disabled parents with kids with neurodiversities who homeschool, live rural, in a 180 year old house that needs a lot of work, and NO money to pay for the jobs to be done by someone else means we NEED to find ways to a) freecycle or barter and buy CHEAP the parts we need. b) find the energy & time to do them between both our health issues, and c) deal with two homeschooled kids who CONSTANTLY interrupt you, need your attention for necessities and argue and fight with one another as many moments they are awake as they get along.

Most days I count my blessings, and be in the now.

Most days I am thankful for what we have, and think ” it could be worse.”

Most days I don’t mind needing to try and be creative with a limited grocery budget because that’s where the “extra money” needs to come from to make the purchases we make.

Most days I smile, and sing while I’m working.

Most days I somehow find the patience to deal with my daughter spectrum and ADHD traits and freak outs.

Most days I remember that her foods cannot touch each other or she won’t eat it.

Most days I can handle that my 4 year old son is hyper from the moment he wakes until he passes out from melatonin induced bedtime ( otherwise he’d be awake all night)

Most days I can guide him and deal with the fact that he is like a bull in a china shop and bangs into EVERYTHING for stimulation because he has sensory integration dysfunction and he is hyposensitive to everything and needs to have the rough impact of slamming into doors and flipping on couches and chairs, and tipping chairs backwards on the kitchen table chairs for “therapy” Most days I can redirect him.

Most days I can handle that he breaks a lot of stuff like our kitchen table and chairs from tipping and slamming and banging and standing on them. Most days I say “hey we can fix that, and be ok with it since we can’t afford new furniture.

Most days I can handle that everyone here NEEDS me to do a LOT of the physical stuff operating a home on a daily basis takes.

Most days I can see the glass as half full

Most days….

but some days…..some days I cry

and some days I cry HARD.

Hard that it is not easier.

Hard becasue we apparently make living on less than $2500 a month disability pension for a family of 4 LOOK easy, and people often do not realize just ow hard we struggle.

Hard because I can’t afford to take my kids to the science centre, and they LOVE learning. ( or ever take them to Disney or the local amusement parks to drive go carts or whatever)

Hard because my husband needs to spend up to 14 to 18 hours a day in bed resting and therefore I have to deal with the kids neurodiversities alone, and I’m totally mentally drained by the time they go to bed at night.

Hard because of OCD traits in my daughter, and germaphobic traits in my son.

and HARD because I tap myself out of the reserved patience I have for it all.

yes some days I cry…

and today is someday.