I Don’t Want To Be A Crabby Mother.
| June 19, 2009 | Posted by SuperADDMom under ADDventures, iMother |
I always said that when I was a mother I’d never lack the patience my mother had with me. But that was before I had children, before I was Dxed with ADD, and before I knew my kids would be so…diverse as well.
Now, as the mother of an ADHD child, I know what my mother must have endured with me, since she too, is the mother of an Add child now an ADDult 
And we are pretty sure she has it herself, along with LD’s like dyslexia etc. ( she once circled the island I live on twice trying to find our house and the next time I had to give very straight forward simple, step by step instructions that included visual point markers so she’s know they were on the right path.)
Anyway…The awareness on that level that my mother and I have of each other TODAY is uncanny, but as an ADDmother then ( her ) trying to parent an ADD child ( me) she didn’t have what I have…Knowing I have ADD while raising my ADD kids. We just didn’t understand the issues with inattentiveness and distractedness. It was a tough time. The older I got the harder it was to relate. The best years for me were before I was about 11 or 12.before it got too complicated.
I’m lucky that I know what ADD is, and that I’m medicating for it for myself ( cause otherwise I’d be a bumbling idiot, literally). It helps me have more patience then she did for mothering kids who both have pretty big adhd traits.
I also, as an ADDer, for some reason, have this very close link to childhood/teenhood…so I relate to kids very well. But I relate to ADD kids better it seems. I can be more sympathetic then their non ADD parents.
So I often probably tend to let the kids “get away” with more then The Mundane One does. I “understand” where they are coming from, and why they do some of the stuff they do. It’s a constant struggle. I go from being a “crabby mom” trying to give them more stability to see improvements in their behavior, and then waffle back to the more organic lifestyle that is simpler on the brain for me ( and them) My poor husband though, who once thrived on a “bit” of organization lives in our chaos now, since he is surrounded by it.
Between me, and the kids he hardly ever gets a word in edgewise. I can’t blame him for being upset, someone is always interrupting, but what do we do…this IS what it is.
It drives me nuts cause I have social anxiety all the time, worrying about what I said, how I said it, did I say to much. etc etc. and now living in a small hamlet… I think it is getting worse. And then I have anxiety cause I feel like I am always getting upset with the kids, and the neighbors must think that I’m a terrible mother. Or if I talk to them, I talk too much, and the kids yammer on, and I need to keep them ”
in check”
Sigh….this is just some of the thoughts going through my mind tonight. I don’t like being a crabby mommy…I need to let it go… butit is so hard.
very nice story and site, love you all
mom
I can so relate to this. I was diagnosed w/ADD last year and my grandma who raised me said she would probably have been diagnosed with it when she was a kid if they had talked about such things then. I have a daughter who I am 98% sure has ADD too and we are talking to her doc. I want to make sure that she doesn’t go through all the things I did as a child but worry about how I do that when I am just trying figuring out this stuff too?
Not sure I have the answers for you, but what I do know, is that calling for “do overs” when things get stressfull helps. as does teaching them that we are only human, and being open and honest about our own fears, frustrations, in a way they understand at their level.
in our house we live by the Randy Pauch motto .. always say “i’m sorry, how can I make it better” when we hurt someone.
That is all we can do.
Do you follow on twitter? let me know it’s you, I’ll follow you back.
If Interest pick up. I may start a ADDmom forum here for readers, but for now I’m keeping it this way.